Busy Lizard Season

yah idk maybe
catch me at the next rooftop hang

ahll be there
at the backyard barbecue
see ya where
at the next block party

wearing a bandolier
of ginger shots
no orange wine for me 

catching the rifle
with effortless rizz

*until you are dead*

In My Angelhood

One autumn evening, I left
school and was
waiting at the bus stop
when the tree opposite sudden -
LIT UP
dancing lights in the branches

- Is no one else seeing this?

- Am I William Blake now?

Silent popping bubble ecstasy

A glimpse into an
unreadable realm

    No, it was not fireworks
    I know what you're think -
    it was not fireworks

40 years later I can still
sense the dizzy
outburst
and every time
I pass by, nod respect-
fully to the
chosen tree

Which was briefly
host to an out-
break of fizzing
angelic glee

Bethlem

A (not) strange and personal goal
has been to run around the grounds
of the (not) mental hospital
- the psychiatric institution -
with its really rather good free museum
near where I grew up
and today in the July rain
I achieved this goal, with new
trail shoes for the grass
propelling me round the course in
a very respectable time
- relatively speaking -
- all things considered -
and I just wanted to share it with
anyone who might be remotely
interested

Pet

head out the window
5am monsoon, you love
to say petrichor

Get up get on the scene give it a rest

I had a definitely not sex tape
it was just a C90 cassette
fucking google it, I can't
do all the work for you

One side was Mazzy Star
the other was the Cowboy Junkies
so carbon date that, in fact
it was 1990

    - Here he goes again
      reminiscing from the rocking chair

Now *sucks a thoughtful tooth*
you youngsters might not preciate
how on the right system
these C90s could auto-reverse
so you didn't have to get up and change
the tape some say cassette
while entertaining
horizontally, or do
I mean vertically, hee hee

    - grandma please make him stop

Not that I'm claiming I was some
sort of 90 minute Casanova slash
Lothario stroke Hoochie Coochie Man
back in the day, oh boy

    - I think it's time for your nap

    - can we unplug him?

The Trawl, 1979

My new thing was
collecting records, or
vinyls as we now have to call them ffs
you people make me sick

There were Record Fairs where
collectors gathered in fusty
church halls
to part with their cash after
flicking through
boxes stuffed with
trash and treasures

At my first one, armed
with all my pocket money
    a teenage fiend
    hungry for relics,
I scored nine well-used items
for an absurd £13 (and my poor
mother provided £3 of that)

        Paranoid

        Aoxomoxoa

        Surrealistic Pillow

        After the Gold Rush

        In Search of Space

        Safe as Milk

        Strange Days

        Hot Rats

        Yes (self-titled)

I was well into being a
suburban hippy for a few months
before many other
phases of the moon
and I stand by every one

Of course now, as an ancient,
olden and also aged man
    my eyes are dim
    my back is bent
    my knees are knacked

I am looking to sell my collection
  clear some space
    maybe
      keep a 100 'vinyls'
        you people make me sick
and these will form part of that 100

In Search of Space
has the original 'gimmix' sleeve and
24pp booklet, so that's not going
anywhere, even if
I have nothing to play it on

All Lit Up, 1990

This may be more than 

a little undignified 

to record but

when I was in you and

everything was on fire

you looked into 

my eyes

delighted

surprised

and said YOURE

SPARKLING

and yes once I was

The Parliament of Caws

KRRRT-chack! (Old One-Eye snaps his beak, wings puffed.)

CHREEE-Kaa! (Young Tailflick lands beside him, tilting her head.)

Old One-Eye: Krrt-chack! Krrt-chack!
A warning: sky-fox (hawk) nearby. Sharp wing. Fast death. Stay low.

Tailflick: CHREE! Chree-ka-ka-ka-KA!
Disbelief. Bravado. She flew near it. Stole a beetle mid-glide. No fear.

Two-Wing-Drum: DRRRRR-kak-kak-kak! (Wings slapping trunk.)
Challenge. Boast. He saw her. Beetle was already dead. Empty glory.

Tailflick: Ka-KA-KA-krrrrrp!
Insult. Two-Wing eats rotten fruit. Mind like snail. Beak like old bark.

Chirpette (a tiny, newly-fledged thing): tzeep-tzeep-tzee?
Confusion. What is “death?” What is “hawk?” Can you eat it?

Old One-Eye: GRAWWWK. (Low, guttural.)
Silence. Night is coming. Time for truth, not noise.

(All birds still. Then, slowly, a rattling murmur builds—)

All Together: chrr-chrr-CHAAA, kr-kr-ka-KAW, chreeeee-CHACK, tzzzzrr!
The Sharing begins. Gossip. Echoes. Stolen things.

Bent-Beak: chack-chack. Chack.
He found shine. Blue-glass-circle. Deep hole near water.

Three-Toe: Krrreeek! KA-ka-ka!
Jealous. He saw it first. Bent-Beak just louder.

Tailflick: cheeeeeeee. (Slow, high pitch.)
Dream. She flew so high her wings turned to cloud. Chased stars. Bit the moon.

Old One-Eye: KRRRRAW-CHAK.
Reminder. Dreamers fly crooked. Sky is not gift. Sky is blade.

(Wind rustles. A squirrel chitters nearby. All heads snap in unison.)

Chirpette: tzee?
Can we eat it?

All Together: KAW-KAW-KAW-KAW! (A terrible cacophony of agreement.)

No one flies. Just noise. Noise is hunt. Noise is dance. Noise is magpie. Twelve dark shapes tuck heads into wings. One eye each on the moon. Still dreaming of shine.

Found note

I don't think we're put on this earth to
live alone

Basically, I think we were put here
to suffer
as much as possible

Pew pew

Speed! Speed!

Crash Crash Clonk

Unidentified laughter
resulting in a torrent of [checks]
4.30a.m. summer bright morning
profanity which I, for once, am
too polite to transcribe and

Some of which I admit emanates
from my semi-slumbering form

Crash Crunch Pop

I ask, mostly to myself, wtf
they are doing down there
and why there

Pad and squint through the curtains
old school twitcher

A brutish fellow and his Speed hound
kicking trash and cursing in an area
he really has no business inhabiting
although I have no legal claim upon it

Would it really be a crime
if I somehow came into possession
of a 3D printed weapon and
peppered perhaps sprayed them
with a volley of fast dissolving ice shards
not bullets
which I have just invented

Yelling at the blameless Speed
and hurling abuse at the red faced cackler
woman on the balcony to the right
hair like Mr Whippy
vaping gleefully

Slamming her window open and shut
in rhythmic provocation
punctuated with some well-honed
sing-song insults

While he's kicking a can along the path
calling her one name over and over his
vocabulary failing him
his energy slowly depleting

One volley for you, one round
for you, spare Speed, and
no one would convict
me, my aim is true

Thank you Richard Coles

Sometimes we need to stumble
across permission
confirmation
for our proclivities, like

When you said you'd just like to
'walk around looking at things'
in your retirement

And there you are seeing
little brown sparrows
in the rippling flat top hedge

Dressed for the rain
walking in the zone

Comparing avenues of tree trunks
to cathedrals

Admiring the prehistoric
Highland fold

Water and tinnitus
the soundtrack to our days

Speaking of
liquid light as
a medium of the holy
and living in a
three-dimensional theology

A blaze of light
floods the valley

Yes, we need
silence and retreat
yes, we need
contemplation

We need to look
a bit more closely
and shut up
a lot more

Thank you James Parker

I will
cultivate the exquisite
portion of my own remarkable
consciousness

I shall
remain untroubled
strew petals and
relish the long,
long solitary days

Decorate my
tortoise with jewels
perhaps

And society, I remain in a
perpetual state of undeclared
war with you
and I owe you nothing

From the ant colony

~~~::•••••==~==•==~==•••••::~~~  

↑↓↑↓><><~*~☼~*~<><><↓↑↓↑  

•••+++⌁⌁⌁...⌁⌁⌁+++•••  

[∆∆∆]—.—.—>[ΩΩΩ]~↯↯↯~<ΩΩΩ]<—<—<  

sksksk...zzzttt...clack.clack.tchk-tchk...  

●╳●╳● ╰⊚⊚⊚╯ ●╳●╳●  

<<<:: »»»»~°~°~°~«««« ::>>>  

|||-|||-|||-∆∆∆-|||-|||-|||  

☽☽☽°°°∿∿∿::::∿∿∿°°°☾☾☾  

ssssk———ssth———shht———ttrrr  

...~:…◊◊◊↺↺↺...~:...  

+++𝕣𝕒𝕤𝕡++𝕥𝕒𝕡++𝕓𝕦𝕫𝕫+++  

( ) ( ) ( ) ∴∴∴ ⌁⌁⌁ [ ] [ ] [ ]  

↗↘↗↘↗↘~♥~↙↖↙↖↙↖  

°°°###↻↻↻###°°°  

→→→→zzchzzz←←←←  

…sniff.sniff.flick.flick.tap.tap…

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→  

↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪↪  

:::pherocurrent complete:::

Sunbeam Diplomacy

Mino: brrrrrp-chirp-click (a soft throat trill, inquisitive)
(Roughly translates to: “This sunbeam. You found it first?”)

Tatch: mrrrrRRrrrrr-hnnnkkk-mrr! (a rising purr with a nasal grunt)
(Loosely: “I made it mine. I circled three times. Standard claim.”)

Mino: mrrow-pffft-click-click (a chattering protest, tail flicks once)
(Meaning: “You always claim before assessing optimal warmth ratio. Typical.”)

Tatch: (pauses mid-lick, one eye squinting) hnnn-mmmMRRRgh!
(“Your tail was in my face. That invalidates your scientific opinion.”)

Mino: (low tail thump) mrrrrrrrp-chk!
(“Incorrect. My tail is a sensor. I was testing wind currents.”)

Tatch: (snorts, rolls to his back dramatically) huff-snerk-yowww!
(“Your sensor smells like kibble dust and betrayal.”)

(A moment of contemplative silence. Both cats blink slowly at each other — the sacred feline equivalent of a truce offering.)

Mino: mmm-prrp?
(“...Share the beam?”)

Tatch: (tail twitch, a thoughtful knead on the rug) mrr-ack-mrr.
(“Fine. But only if I get the pillow corner.”)

Mino: chirrup-purrrr
(“Accepted. I claim the ripple of heat near the floor vent.”)

(They shuffle around each other in lazy spirals, eventually settling — a soft tangle of black and orange. Their purring merges into a syncopated harmony.)

Tatch: (barely audible, half-asleep) snrk-puh...mrrr.
(“If the red dot comes, you chase first. I pulled a claw yesterday.”)

Mino: (eyes closed, a soft ear twitch) mm-hmm-mrrrgh.
(“Understood. We shall strike as one. United.”)

(Outside, a bird chirps. Neither cat moves.)

Tatch: ...tsk.
(“Tomorrow.”)

Mino: ...purrr.
(“Tomorrow.”)

Whole Network Pulse

:ƒΔ₁: (a young tendril exploring moist soil)
~..:~:shimmer:~:..~
↝↯↝(signal of water nearby, curious probing)
⇶⇶⇶⇶✧✧✧ (expansion initiated)

:φΩ₄₇: (an ancient rootlike strand, embedded deep beneath oak roots)
∞°°°μμμ••
♲⇡⇡⇡⇡⌘⌘⌘ (acknowledgment, warning: acid trace in clay layer above)
—ººº— (emits a bitter-spore memory echo)
⇊⇊⇊✧ (subtle nudge to veer leftward)

:ƒΔ₁:
☍☍☍ (gratitude spike)
⇄⇄⇄::∴ (rerouting mycelial path)
↯↯°º°↯↯ (playful zap of spore glee)

:φΩ₄₇:
…¤¤¤¤¤… (release of slow ancestral warmth)
⇉⇉⇉† (invitation to a decaying cedar log two meters east)
↻↻↻≜ (knowledge share: recent beetle activity, nutrient-rich zone)

:ƒΔ₁:
☉☉☉ (pulsing agreement)
⇶⇶✴⇶ (network joining sequence)
[:::] (echo merged into collective memory)

🌌➿🌌➿🌌 (seasonal fruiting preparation initiated)
☈☈☈ (thunder detected above: rain imminent)
⇄⇄⇄⇄⇄⇄⇄ (massive mycelial stir—communion spreads)

Unexpected, and Unasked for, Minor Erotica 2

There was a theatrical interpretation of
House of Leaves staged in London's Covent Garden
which for some reason I thought might make
an interesting date option
kill me now, sorry for trying

So we entered a dusty warehouse for
this interactive event, like I always say
we should embrace new experiences

There was a chapter in this no-budget incoherent
student display where me and my date
divided into separate areas and I had to yell
out an upsetting childhood memory
(don't ask why just go along with it)
which was a little distressing
but then the 'actress'

Held me tight and
licked my face all over
was that in the book, I forget
up and down and all around
an unusual move to be sure
I was paralysed I went cross-eyed and
barely ever recovered, she
really lost herself in the role

Unexpected, and Unasked for, Minor Erotica 1

One time I was on London's
busy Oxford Street
crossing the road
when I ended up doing the
awkward dancing encounter
the side to side shuffle
you know what I'm talking about
if you don't then go away now
with a camel coat wearing
executive type lady and yes heels yes

I went left, she went left
from my pov (which stands for point of view)
I went right, she went right, see above
I wasn't trying to be a nuisance
but it was quite confusing
then I went left, she went left
I went right, she went right
you get the picture, yes we see

This went on for one verse too long
(from her pov) then
she let out an exasperated HAH!
shoved me hard in the chest
shocked >I buckled< OOOF!

I have to say she had every right
and it takes an alpha-beta male
to admit this, thank you
for your attention to this matter

The greatest American band of all time # scientific # objectivity (by a 'Brit')

Let us establish some ground rules

We're talking bands here
solo artists with renowned backing groups
e.g. Crazy Horse / the E Street Band are clearly not bands
thus disqualified from this discussion good day

Any audience member who nominates
or leads the cheers for 70s/80s
rock stroke glam stroke hair rock bands such as
Kiss Aerosmith Van Halen Bon Jovi, Guns n Roses
- I could go on please don't- shall be found in
contempt of court and their protes-
ations shall not be admitted good day

Niche will not cut it however
sympathetic the judge may be
so sorry Pavement Pixies Fugazi et cet
we're looking for mainstream success + cultural import
the combo of 'cutting through'

So let us acknowledge
that Talking Heads and Blondie
are good calls ~and move on~

And what about the Dead
what to do with the Dead *sighs*
the court sympathizes, but
please respect the science, viz.

We need a catalogue
of well known tunes some say hits, popular
and legacy but crucially non-divisive
which sees off contenders such as
the Doors (loved by many, yet hated by many),
Steely Dan (see previous), Eagles (you get the picture)
murder your darlings //
personal favourites are irrelevant
we must respect the scientific method

Quick reminder: the Bee Gees are not American
and any votes for them will be vigorously prosecuted
see also the Fleetwood Mac clause
& excuse me, Rush are Canadian
take that man away!

Please be aware
I have another list here of more than
100 bands mere mention of whose names
could result in instant prison time

Which also +++ pauses for lunch +++
discounts the Beach Boys, face it very
inconsistent, excuse me, did I hear someone say
what about the Monkees!

*Bangs gavel*

*Clears throat*

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury there
  remain two credible candidates
     whose brief but impactful careers
      appealed to different generations
        broke across political divides and

[[[transcript ends here]]]

Before the kick off

And me here thinking you'd taste like
peaches and apricot
grapefruit at a stretch at least
plum please forgive
my manifest delusions

And freakboy like Imperial
Leather and beef jerky
so manly yes the manliest
silver coins in a cowboy's pocket
sweat like raven's tears before 

We grow, with much reluctance
into the realm
of some acceptance

MK morning / peptides

Walking back through Campbell Park
Hailu Mergia in my head
up to the Light Pyramid
5km in my legs // still moving
silver La Tour always in view

NYT Games Spelling Bee

Trying to tease out the pangram
from BLNFIOE
before I can begin my day

what could it be?

bellefino - an Italian sherry

lifebone - don't we all need a lifebone

fonebill - alternate spelling

bonefill - an archaelogical process

bonnelife - ancient Scots greeting

boonfile - archaic term for a will

nibbleoff - polite cake eating contest

lionbeef - forbidden meat

beefloin - see above

folbine - I got nothing

come on man
I don't have all day!
(are you sure about that)

grease the brain
cells with
coffee

and then it came to me
~~~~~~~~~
(no spoilers)

and some people say
I have too much
time
on my hands

Orange Car Pile-Up and Forest Cricket

I started to add midweek runs
to my fitness routine la la la regime
but that week a series of unfortunates which
my legal rep has urged me not to reveal in this or any forum
led to not led to, cause not cause
a four-car pile-up and oddly all of them
were orange not yellow or gold which
you must agree is uncanny or merely symbolic 

It was an exhausting incident, and
I will ever jog along jong jong
jog along jong jong
a glong glong gong
down down down along along long

Into the
middle
of the
road again

Head held high full of unearned confidence
I went back to work, grids and cells
won't fill themselves

I was assigned to the cricket desk
the new series was played in dense and uneven woods
posing a novel challenge for batter, bowler,
umpire and spectator alike
tree hazards, low light, a muddy wocket
yes we renamed it a wocket I didn't just mistype

In retrospect someone must have known
this was a disastrous experiment, and on
returning to the office from the forest
I found the whole operation had been
wound up and closed down
at some point during the second innings
due to lack of funds and interest

My boss shrugged, said they're all robots out there
or do I mean automatons
anyway it means we're no better
and you won't get paid for this

Straight up theft at 01.20

anime is the enemy
weeping in barbecue sauce
happy is way to live ooooooohhhhh
never replay excuse me *reply* with less
a close-up of a mosquito (no thanks)
a scattering of crinoid stems (somehow yes)
your podcast is flying by
eliminate the hey @grok peoples
why don't you ask the trees if they agree
hold your drink, just hold it there
it's Walton not Walter ffs even now
confusing numbness with peace
how do we ever retire to bed now
New Yorker cartoons are the best (worst)
'proper pooping posture' just kill yrself
elephant toothpaste experiment never gets old
make note of pink koshu grapes
///unbelievable discounts///
the steak was unrinsed
unprepared for graphical abstract
sell the forests now #pristine
next thing you're mimicking bird calls
dogs did not evolve for stairs
so much drama on the ocean floor some say bed
2050 soon closer than 2000, yeah
I give you the mausoleum of all hope
trajectory of missile
try to filter out regime filth not pron
& can someone pls turn me OFF

The apocalypse is overrated

But one vision I could endorse
is the scene early in 28 Days Later
when Jim leaves the hospital and
walks across Westminster Bridge into 
a deserted London at sunrise
as Godspeed You Black Emperor play

Finally I'd be the rightful
Emperor of London
raid supermarkets, steal cars
(it's not really stealing any more)
until, as the rest of the film
inevitably points out

You'd have to deal with
 the dead
 the undead
 the rats and
 the loneliness

Although I've been preparing
for that
my whole life

F♯ A♯ ∞

Utopian Sex Palace by Purity Quell

I'm not speaking to you. I'm speaking at you
Why don't you use in-vivo magnetic resonance
Auto salvage, and the birds she didn't write
I joyrode a tank across a field in Norfolk

    Foaming Wash Bar
    Make it better

No pigeonholes please. You define me
Why don't you employ morphometry or
Find out why 'Daddy was Missing'
Why he sat along in the hole, in golden robe

    Foaming Wash Bar
    Make it behave

His corpus ‎callosum all out of whack
There is a fish tank for their amusement and
Please park car in appropriate space
Your ritts be show. Your ritts be show

    Foaming Wash Bar
    Make it new

Is the polar vortex reversing, yes
The polar vortex is reversing
You have multiple doctorate degrees
But you still say somefink. A*I*T*A*

    Foaming Wash Bar
    Make it clear

Ring the Nurse With Wound list up the flagpole
Don't take the piss or you'll get a right panda
And don't even start with the
League of neurotoxic flavours 

    Foaming Wash Bar
    Make it clean

The Invisible Force

She seemed cross and said
'I've only come back for one reason
and that is to deliver you to the Talbots' house'
just like back in the day
  'because they live on a hill
   and you can't be trusted
   to drive up,
   or down, or park
   on a hill'
certainly that much had been proven
viz. Dawkins vs Holloway 1988

Yet they had summoned us from the decades past
and so we were duty bound to attend
I said it's good to see you after 15 years dead
I guess you don't get many invocations

She said it's 'invitations' and
'I have had several calls actually
which I'm not at liberty to discuss'

I said please keep your eyes on the road,
as we tore round the old primary school corner
where once we hung out the car windows
singing Carpenters songs
on the last day of our innocence

Now as we have established
we were heading to the Talbots
but moreover to the map-hidden garden
- rope bridge, sunken pool -
which ran behind their house
where I only once visited aged nine

After my first game of Scrabble
in which I played, and some say invented,
the word, perhaps the concept, of ID
just 9 points with triple word score
but which concluded the game
after a heated discussion and dictionary consultation

I may have thought in my naivety I'd played
id as per the contraction for
'I had 'I did' 'I would'
it was my first game ... but more pertinently
we all learned about "the part of the mind
in which innate instinctive impulses
and primary processes are manifest"

And then we played football in the secret garden
- shell grotto, bamboo tunnel -
with me as junior Scrabble champ, and
where we were headed now in her
vintage yellow Mini, special guest resurrection

Roaring into Stafford Hill
where the glamorous Talbots live(d)
pilot dad, boutique owning mum,
guitar wielding older brother, and
Edward call me Ed who
was the coolest little dude in school

But we sped past the Talbots' house
and were drifting towards the kerb
going too fast downhill, I yelled
WAKE UP! MUM, WAKE UP!
and reached for the steering wheel

In Memory Of

There's a bench in the park where I
sometimes sit and strip off. I have my reasons
we don't have time for them now

But let it be known I am not a hobo
though I have been called a hobbit 
if we could get to the point now please
we all have busy lives, so I've been told

The name engraved on this bench
is Martin Holloway (no relation)
and it pays tribute to his
   'courage
   generosity
   rhythm
   & humour' 

Which I find touching as I remove
  another layer and reflect that I cannot
    be said to possess all four of these qualities
         - two would be pushing it -
          we can't all be Martin Holloway

The days pass, the weeks pass

Could we not at least exchange some crummy
anecdotes about our recent pasts
some poorly recalled bus stop or shop incidents
semi memories of there was this time when

I'll take any half digested subvocal passing thoughts
and an inappropriate and unvoiced yet sincerely held
opinion which you know is safe with me

Throw me a crumb here and I'll toss you
the whole hog utilising my award-winning
(and vigorous) masculine muscles

Instead of flinging it angry apelike
into the webvoid in the form of
incoherent cackhanded freeposts
begging for any minor engagement

Mistakes were made

Yes and my first mistake upon leaving
was pocketing the coffee pods
bespoke marked covfefe in hilario tribute
made me grin while guzzling the pipe juice
we got a packed agenda son get moving, none

Of this was a coherent defence for my alleged
crimms and minsdemeans, as I wrote on
a Post-it® Note intending to
impersonate a legal pro, fooling nobody

My second mistake, in legal chronology was
staying in a hate to say it BROTHEL
let's not beat about that bush but look now
there was nothing on pluggings.com to
alert an innocent such as me and also,
I never took advantage of the 20% discount

- At this point, 
  I would advise my client to STFU

Sketchy Sticky Sticky Shifty #1

I'm not saying he wore a 1980 wig but
Q. is his pipe even alight it seem very thin
you can puff away but I don't see no smoke
telly prop suspich short for suspicion
puffa puffa pocket are you even alive

And someone always lays an egg
man smokes pipe are you kidding
r u SCHMOKIN' like Freddie Starr
(UK ref) thank you, slight detour
+++inappropriate+++alarum+++

Syrup regardless the past was revealed to be
pas de surprise a crockery pot of delusion
before fashion which shoulda stayed before
plus, your unreliable narrator was not immune
but you don't have the itchy pictures

Instant Clamour

love      time      heart      life      eyes      feel      day      mind      night      things      left      find      long      light      people      soul      face      pain    lost    thought    good    head    keep    smile    inside    sun    hands    place    hold    hope    hand    fall    man    body    thing    dark    leave    live    beautiful    skin    tears    hear    thoughts    sky    days    cold    better    hard    broken    going    feeling    dreams    god    mine    lips    best    remember    deep    free    true    stay    years    forever    knew    air    moment    felt    care    open    sleep    happy    fear    told    black    dream    death    blood    untitled    breath    times    blue    girl    sweet    call    close    walk    cry    hair    help    sure    today    white    full    touch    die    stars    dead    turn    bed    loved    wanted    red    real    truth    voice    morning    water    kiss    forget    hurt    wrong    longer    hate    wind    fire    rain    arms    friends    empty    beauty    waiting    friend    matter    feet    stand    high    side    work    memories    wonder    moon    earth    change    room    living    darkness    lies    write    bad    understand    sound    break    word    watch    start    sit    person    thinking    kind    rest    fingers    song    door    making    ground    play    warm    silence    sea    strong    hearts    great    finally    talk    falling    lie    slowly    sad    speak    small    perfect    set    wait    fight    held    leaves    soft    filled    move    holding    hell  

Clumsy footwork

Would you be my shoebox
a sturdy contraption, pleasingly
geometrical and versatile
able to cradle our heavy hearts
and hide all kinds of secrets

I could be your carpet
you can walk all over me
as I protect you from the cold
the unvarnished truth and its splinters

Or I could be your socks and shoes
you can walk around in me all
day all snug and warm at least
until they need replacing
around this time next year

Running

sprayed by some raindrops

look up the sky purest blue

a breeze in the trees 

Just go for a stroll in the trees

Get the stomps in
shave off your guilty toe
in preparation for what, the final
stretch of your so-called

Accompanied by a playlist of new dad rock tunes
played on old school tech
neither of which terms I endorse - Friendship, Turnstile
Geese, Lifeguard - the new one namers plus
Mannequin Pussy in homage to Steve Carrell's MLC doomer
in The Four Seasons

An upturned Lime bike in the bushes
community orchard, teach you to be so sniffy
the everpresent stank of cabbage enjoyed
al fresco across the generations these days
        these days
a flyer for a Yard Sale, how unEnglish

Pass by the crumbly contingent
a bulldog in a wheelchair and look
a jolly hockey mum in a yellow sundress

Since the Chinese takeaway closed
I never lumber down that cobbled alley

The wrought iron livestock railing topper
rebalanced and replaced by a surrogate cross
a bouncing football tempts but I dare not kick
families gathered around the picnic tables
their healthy chatter deliberately drowned
and oh where is my community

Tottenham and Arsenal shirts play together
we must come to some agreement, find
the common ground

On the second lap vary the route
stop by the pet memorial plaques
and the miniature amphitheatre where
I shall perform my mighty works
to an indifferent heckle of pigeons

Scarecrow hood on gym equipment
another quarter on the clockface
a tent in the undergrowth
    symptomatic
    these days
the paucity of your insights
redundancy of your circular ops

Nearer home

   ---1---
  3--*---2
  ---4---
  6--*---5
  ---7---
  9--*---8
  ---10---

you have
  reached
   the end
    of your
     skip

I didn't choose peas, peas chose me

Our primary consideration now was the growing of peas
for better or worse, we had become a pea-dependant society
'we're all in this pod together'
was a phrase you heard a lot

We transformed our zen garden into an intensive growth zone
much orange peel the secret ingredient was used
the juice dripped down and was rerouted
using a repurposed ballpoint barrel into the gully, I was
only following the Best Pea Practice instructions

At night we stared at the roof of the cave
sucking on our juice capsules, doing our hums
sometimes we sat in the grape harness which
doubled as a swing and not an erotic one
it would be a lie to say those nights flew by

Recently there was an unpleasant incident with
the squirrel, she covered him in tinfoil
and positioned him in the swing, as a not funny
joke, it began to pulse or throb on the seat
its tiny arms twisted in despair, 'look
what you have done you have become
a Fronkensteen' but she just changed
the subject to last week's record-breaking
pea harvest statistics

The Ageing Protest

my feets are getting bigger

wider, with added knobbles

the belly well the belly

jellied with the excess

fatty of liver, flowering of spleen

my ear has getting harrier

plumper of lobe and much afluff

see how my worms have come twisted

knees are shot and hips are shocked

but that's no death sentence

and the old chewing gum is missing

storeys, whole lost whorls

but my wrists remain as delicate

as those of a virgin princess

Narc. of Small Diff.

Good for you
you come from a place
so famous for its blah blah
and home to legend a and hero b
ppl from your place they're like this
they say these words and eat these foods
they're not like those folk
from across the valley, from o'er the hills
who use slightly different words and
eat barely distinguishable muck

Congratulations
you come from a place
a place where we say book not book
a place where we say bath not bath
where we will fight them in the socials
over competing names for baked goods
give yourself a fat old clap
for coming from a place
and staying in that place
hand yourself a 'good job son'
for all your fathers and your forefathers
the tyranny of football shirts
postcodes and vowels

Involuntary Autobiographical Memory, 2008

Sometimes we'd arrive at work at the same time
and I'd always be plugged in to my white
headphones, fresh from an mp3 trawl

That morning he caught up with me as
we entered the packed lift 'Hey Lee
what are you listening to today?'

I thought about making something up
but just answered 'Psychedelic Horseshit'

    2nd floor
        3rd floor
            4th floor

and he never asked me again

Transcription of Found Notes (mine)

My sister wants to see him
the boy with the big disease
my mum won't let permit it
not for 1 mill.

Screaming org. Tom is double hooked

Then the rain - the ship - the marathon
the legs up habitat, possibly hobbit

Reverse the ritual
start a new page

      'I like my life'

Back to the old house, a flock
through the hospital window
where the goal is night

But the Brazilian million
is now Swiss style
and with a lot of climbing

There's a side slinging double cycle -
and at the front,
a girl in a 3 wheeler

Neil asks why so sad
- he's rumbled
     DENY!

Signor Fantastici

Imagine if you were a real person
and you could speak
knowledgeably and confidently
about the ways of man (and woman) ((also +++))
alas you are classif. as zebra newt
a rare and catatropic (sic) category error
this, sorry thus, DISQUALIFIED

Imagine if you were a simpleton
now this we can get behind
so get behind me, don't cut me loose
I'm drifting out to sea here
see also 'Bobbing' a plea bargain
written by Jay C. Flowers, & what's the
C. for? Sailing ships on (borrowed) and
we're so living on a narrow board
of borrowed, wasted, indebted TIME

Sure imagine now you were a real boy
what you know about them anyhow
someone been talking too much
you can't possible know pre-origen
with your miniature eggshell
noggin, what is it with you and eggs
you are infused with gamma technology
in any case flimsy all too easy SHATTERED

Known professionally as ...

We were parallel walking
she asked if I found [famous person] attractive
I sucked a thoughtful tooth (as if)
and said I'm not one to fawn over
minor celebrities
she said fawn I said yes fawn 

But if [famous person] was here now
I'd attach myself to her legs and let her
drag me through the mud
like an I don't know what
the metaphor failed me. She said

Like a dangleberry.
I don't know what you mean, and obv.
which is short for obviously
as an alpha male I am not one to submit
to be dragged away anyway and yet
in this instance [famous person] would have to
beat me off, stop it, that's enough now

I mean her magnificent legs which
in this unlikely scenario I have attached myself to
remember

Honestly, I wish I'd never started this
she said me too
and that was that
for the rest
of our walk

Stymphalian birds

A flock of man-eating birds
they infested the woods
creatures of myth yes but
they were real enough
talking about them Stymphalian birds

Hercules drove them away, he rid the region
of these voracious birds
he clashed the krotala (a kind of clapper or
        castanet used in religious dances
        by groups in ancient Greece)
Athena was credited with an assist

They saw off the bloodthirsty birds
so numerous they destroyed the crops
they were carnivorous too
they lived in a swamp in Στυμφαλία
         in present-day, a closed karst basin
         located in the north-eastern
         part of the Peloponnese
also, most monstrous

Their feathers were sharp, metallic
    - are you sure about that?
they could be thrown like arrows
     - yes it is a matter of record 

Their beaks were bronze
    - no word of a lie
their dung was poisonous
    - you'd better believe it

They were the size of a crane
they became confused in cork
migrated to a marsh in Arcadia
destroyed the fruit trees
and tormented the townsfolk
talking about them Stymphalian birds

We lost touch

 

BEYOND caring

 

planetary

 

Chavakiah

 

i'm not your backbone

 

healthy filth

 

Fox vs Crow incident

The fox assuredly mangy and sly
scavenging wretch #124
desperately because of what, wait
trying to find a way inside from the playground
all doors locked for the weekend
like that's stopped me before
searching for cheese or shoes, I'm not fussy
that's what you would say but actually
I'm seeking shelter, a peaceful place
to lay my noble frazzled snout

Because of what the attack from above
by skriking crow, hop skipping then dive-bombing
onto fox's neck causing flinch
by the goal post
maybe an air excitement call
perhaps the predator alarm cat caw
as crow circles, doesn't give crouching fox
a second's peace, it's
our ancestral pastime

And who do you see as the fox
and how do we call the crow
and I wish I could tell you
exactly where this took place

Firsts & Lasts (2004)

FIRSTS
First job: supermarket
First self purchased CD: Saint Etienne
First piercing/tattoo: nah, unadorned
First true love: Katie maybe (18)
First enemy: Mr H, English teacher

LASTS
Last big car ride: from here to work (it felt big)
Last kiss: mommy
Last library book checked out: some graphic novels, I don't know what I was thinking
Last movie seen: Cinema Zatoichi (samurai thing, not my genre); TV Best in Show, delightful
Last beverage drank: beer
Last food consumed: a chicken
Last phone call: friend of flatmate/housemate/lodger
CD played: Blue States 'Man Mountain', why isn't this better known// am i middle-aged?
Last annoyance: tube station closed due to defective lifts
Last pop drank: Lucozade
Last ice cream eaten: last year? no idea
Last time scolded: by flatmate/housemate/lodger re: washing up
Last shirt worn: the supersexy new stripy green one (XS, breathe in)

I....
I AM: ready to rumble
I WANT: you, here, right now
I HAVE: time on my hands
I WISH: we could all be friends
I HATE: myself and I want to live
I FEAR: growing older by the day
I HEAR: iTunes
I SEARCH: in the familiar places
I WONDER: when it will happen
I REGRET: not keeping in touch
I LOVE: nothing with all my heart & that aint no good
I ALWAYS: keep my promises
I AM NOT: half as clever as I used to think I be
I DANCE: if you ask me
I SING: alone and in tune
I CRY: briefly, in a controlled manner as a sentimental release, and then get it together
YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: no
YOU LIKE TO COOK: love it
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: yes thank you
DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: all worn out, need a new one
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah, as a joke
GET MOTION SICKNESS: no
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: doubt it
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: a fading blonde nonentity colour
EYE COLOR: hazel
BIRTHPLACE: a borderline convenient venue

FAVORITES
NUMBER: no
COLOR: no
DAY: Friday summer 8pm
MONTH: next month
SONG(S): Marquee Moon
SEASON: summer
DRINK: fancy cocktails
PREFERENCES
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: please
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: dont know
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: dont care
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: vanilla

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? no
HELPED SOMEONE? tried to help fainting woman; advised pal in romantic turmoil
BOUGHT SOMETHING? toothbrush to replace comically lost predecessor
GOTTEN SICK? no
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no
SAID 'i love you'?: i love you
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: no
TALKED TO AN EX?: no. just, no
MISSED AN EX?: no (no!)
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: spose
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: no
MISSED SOMEONE? a little
HUGGED SOMEONE? no
MADE A BOY/GIRL MOAN? no

Office incident w/ feet

I was working on preparations for FIFA World Cup 2026™
or Operation Camus23 as we're calling it
sitting in my corner surrounded by
a surprising mountain of physical media
considering the modern digital landscape when -

HELLO LEE!
It's my Dutch colleague Annaliese
LOOK AT MY FEET!
She plonks her high heeled plates on my chair
they're covered in plastic and plasters
I GOT PLANTAR FASCIITIS
- I'm sorry to hear
AND BUNIONS!

She looms over me all teeth, leg and loudness
like that doesn't send me crosseyed
tells me her wedding in Eindhoven is in danger
because of strikes and I'm like
sorry but where was my invite anyway

I begin to offer some grisly toe horror of my own
but there's only room for
one podiatric trauma

GONNA LOOK LIKE THE BIGGEST WEDDING CAKE
she means her dress and like,
I didn't even know she had a boyfriend
till last week, I'm missing out
on all the gossip
need to start vaping
or join Insta, whatever you people do when
SAY LEE WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO MY
BACHELORETTE PARTY TONITE

Beach train incident

It was the 24-car golden Maharaja
turquoise and gold / jet night blue
and steaming it ran along
the beach at midnight we were so lucky to see it
adorned in our plastic rain ponchos

And briefly our quarrel about the
two too tall choreographers
was forgotten as she
bravely puffed on
through the sand and surf

We were lifted out of ourselves
by the fireworks and the
glittering
locomotive
celebration

Indulgent, not Refulgent

I hated the round table team meetings,
especially when I was drafted in
to the big boys (and girls) gathering
to deliver our departmental headlines

One time it was my turn and I mumbled through two brief points
wrapped up my open mic session in five seconds flat job done

The chief editor looked perturbed slash amused
and uttered the brief judgement
                                                      'fulsome'

Which I have added to my list
of trigger words and phrases
we don't need to list them all here

Learning outcome: speak slowly and prepare
some detailed points of interest
don't rush or mumble and think you have
nothing of import to import

It is a chance to show colleagues
you are a valuable person with a different perspective
alternatively, quit your job

No privacy downstairs

So I went to look for an alternative chamber
saw 4 passports in a basket
her multiple identities

Finally
taking my ease
someone's knocking on the door
not gonna let em in

For one the
light switch key combo confusion
means I may never escape
this chamber myself

Spy a golden cushion embroidered
with ODON 'it's cool to like school' 1976
their breakthrough hit

She once asked me to DL their back catalogue
bcs 'you understand that world' and
bcs ODON were 'the band ABBA could have been'

Not the other ODONs we're talking
the original Swiss-Belgian pioneers of
disko barock

The knocking subsides and
the music is still
playing in my head

Peanuts Halloween Trolley

Bumper-controlled forward and reverse operation ◀️◀️

Delivering peanuts on the OO / HO scale 🥜 🚋

Peanut No.25 Dimboola passenger train 🚂

Back to Serviceton each day 🏙️

Lucy, Snoopy. Battery ... 🔋

Peanuts train 🚉

Snoopy mans the engine 🐶🚉

Dr. Lucy sets up shop 👩‍🔬🏪

Woodstock is a reindeer 🦌

Lucy is a pro at pogostick 🦘

Woodstock classic Christmas caboose 🎄

Sold out, rare, shop with confidence 🏪

It's a North Pole delight 🐻‍❄️

For anyone whose keyboard is broken

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Water Leak Repair Update
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This One's Called Dehydration

First thought best thought and I
just thought I'd let you know this life
has all been a dirty and bald-faced lie
a feeble excuse for an existence

What do you mean, I mean
it's been a ceaseless torrent of deception
a bucket and/or buckets of excrement
and a thousand deaths would not suffice
for the denial, and any protestations of innocence
will echo down the decades

This ghastly charade, this pathetic pretence
the disease of being born
I awake a prophet every day, and the
next step is always the best step

Here we are! Here we are again!

Feeling the warmth, feeling the cold
people come, some people go
and my mind is always wondering
how long you are going to stay

Among the sandals and tambourines
the firefly diamonds and
the sudden silence, the big vendetta
and the scene stealing corpse

Night falls, sleep comes, sand
bugs bite my ankles and I still
hope to see your sunburned face when
I open my bonfire encrusted eyes

'I have come to the end of my personality'

You've gone quiet again
a common refrain, complain
you were so much fun yesterday
where's that person gone?

Some times I talk it's not so
hard, some times yak yak too much, some
times not enough chat chat and they
will call you snooty, aloof 

Remember the time I hovered, Christmas eve
of course you don't the snow
was thick on the ground and
the following morning I was catatonic

A'll gie ye a tight 20 any day
efter which the outer lair run
oot ae steam, puff! cuz it's hard to
keep up wi bein me, whoever ye are

Market analysis

  Every month the figures fall

May 2025 (3)

  As you gradually fossilize

April 2025 (10)

  And become diminished

March 2025 (16)

  So the clearer it gets

February 2025 (19)

  The dimmer you seem

January 2025 (31)

  There's less of a glimmer

December 2024 (30)

  And more of a shame

November 2024 (35)

  A sham and a shame

October 2024 (36)

  And the eternal dwindling

A Catalogue Raisonné

It begins with
two old men yelling at each other
continues with
two old men talking about being poor

Two old men rapping - these #elderly 
    grandpas keep killing it
two old men sitting on a bench joke
    how we've chuckled with tears
two old men eating soup meaning
    bitterness, depression, and deafness

Two old men fishing just fishing
two old men dancing to bye bye bye
two old men go on a pilgrimage to worship God at Jerusalem

Two old men golfing just golfing, next up
two old guys note not men and they're getting in a Jeep®
    these are not my dreams
    I cannot be held responsible

Two old men may be in rocking chairs
two old men may be in wheelchairs
two old men hiking the Appalachian Trail
but two old mens skanking to Bad Manners is
    delightful and disgusting in the manner of
    two old mens everywhere, I'm afraid

Two elderly men leave judges speechless with their dance
yes, we've covered that, but
why has my husband turned into a grumpy old man

And we really need to see more of
two old men and their tools
probably delivering exceptional plank flooring installation
two old guys relaxing on a bench
sharing a joke and recalling the good old days
wholesome memes please

Two old men bump heads at the mausoleum (TOMB)
two grumpy old women, not now