Wednesday Morning 1940

Twirly
say what
too early

What's that hum
a hovering, pitch drone
like one of those red 55s
louder now, peek
through nets - a heli
right o/s my window
at least 15% awake

pll bck, n tme fr vwls
fk thy wnt frm m

Suddenly wide awow
we're not walking hand in hand by the river any more
I promised to send you the picnic pictures
will there be a knock on the door
yes there's the knock on the door

Those kids the
garage kids who're
always squawking
now it's just jim jam
what does that-

The knocks on the door fade
the kids louder fainter yim yam

The fog recedes, I'm up to 40%
VITAM MORTIUS REDDO

Come on man
chant them down
babylon chase them
ancient ones away

Bandages we've known

 I couldn't say I wasn't warned

'I did warn you' she liked to say
with a caveat emptor shrug

Not to stand too close to the fire
least of all to dive headfirst
into the flames

But the time comes in a man's life
when he has a choice to make

Enjoy the fireworks at a safe distance
or douse himself in alcohol and
run around with a burning
rag yelling

'This is what I've been waiting for'

Cleanup Crew

Back in the old rat catching days
we'd pop their heads with our lead shots
send the robodogs out later
bonus payout for every thousand tails

Each busted melon a satisfying pop
each final squeal a delight
a giddy rush of gunfire and mayhem

Not all of us born to it
the dropout rate was high
but I never felt higher
than when the first signal was given

We'd sit around the oil barrels burning
sucking on the rations
faces a fetching blend
of sweat, smoke and juice

Never had much to say but
we knew in our hearts our team was on
the right side of history

Not your C13th destiny

With all this talk of blockades
and the barbican

And amid my spiritual
starvation

I nightnod to daydream
of a silent slink
through the postern gate

Where I'd evaporate
into another life

Take a chance
on the roll of any die

Good morning, my little ones

Jean-Paul Sartre
died or at least news of it
reached me while in the bath after
a weekend in Suffolk
visiting The Otter Trust and some relatives
near Bury St Edmunds
who weren't in.
It was the era of just popping in, just
passing by, incomp-
rehensible now

I was filthy, really
needed that bath. Back then we
took one a week whether we needed
them or not and I always
had the radio on

I had not read him then - still
haven't although I tried La
Nausée once - but knew him as a legendary
ref. slash fig. from my
random teenage reading

And was not yet aware that JP was
tormented by visions of crabs (and lobsters)
everywhere he went
after taking mescaline in 1935
which later inspired
elements of his philosophical writing and plays

They followed him down the street
they sat quietly by his desk
crustacean, hallucination

Until finally he willed them away
because they bored him

Every Man, or Woman, for Himself

We finally
fell out
somewhere between Doncaster and Newcastle
spoiling a 25-year record of sweetness unparalleled,
scarce a cross word
but this fissure was both critical and fiery

The silent boiling and cross-eyed fuming nearly
caused a derailment
we both forgot what the cause was
what was the cause what
caused it it just didn't it just wasn't
I forget exactly what. But

The border had been crossed, and
I made one last foolhardy approach
at a humorous breaking of the
ice: "Ah say, Ah say noo,
we're in bonny Scotland
can ye not extend a haun of kindness noo"

But it acted like a punch to the gut
not even worthy of a withering look

My bad

As they say.

We pulled into Waverley, my
mind reeling, would we need to arrange
separate accommodations etc

And how would we negotiate the
Party Conference, as the
so-called golden couple

I grabbed my suitcase and saw there was a considerable
leap required from train to platform
talk about mind the gap this
was more like a standing
long jump, of which it happened I was
a gold medallist
(Devonian Games 2002) so my 
ability to spring forth, and to
bounce back
would once more be tested

Unbearable, London, Feet, 1996, Mining

Wasny much fun that summer all summer
with ffun and friends at last
kicking a foofbal-l-l-ohhhh Fußball foot
any time you made contact with b-b-ball
o-o-o-hhh owowowow now in your
[five years at least passed] prime
in misc London parks Hyde Holland Green also Clissold
where you saw Kieran the Intimidating
once known from **not now another time**

The thing was your feet spec. to drill
down your toes in part. yr big left TOE
was crossyeed under the hammer of misfortune NAIL

My mother was once also famously it's all
relative under suffrance of the ingrain nail
as I believed it called why are you even
bothering to correct me

'Ooh Lee I got an ingrain toenail' she'd say
while dragging on a Senior Service
'I got to go in hospitals for
three days like Sybil'
yeah also with a wheelchair
it's knot 1975 any more MOTHER

But when I graduated to fellow en-
grained suffrer state it was an afternoon
ride to East Finchley for a poke and scrape
Jamiroquai on the radio and
hopple back the to the station laddy (for free)
in green Converse never the best choice

Anaesthetised up to a reasonable point
I was reading K-Pax can't do that now
- Is K-Pax based on a true story?
- What did the ending of K-Pax mean?
I was listening to Beautiful Freak yeah
so what on my Walkman

Five stops later, sitting in the back room
with a name long since deleted from my memoir
who had a no nail-op patience policy
a stance a pos. I had to respect
it wasn't in the excuse me sympathy fuck zone

So with throbbing afoot beyond a reasonable point
we drank drank rank vodka#
till I forgot I even had legs##
or toes or a body###
OR EVEN YOU COME ON NOW ####

And now those days
+ MY FEET
are long gone

Defending the city against a horde of invading undead

You (don't) have to hate slash fear them
sabre rat zombie slash reapers
popping batlike to gobble radioactive trash
such silver edgelords they

think they're so special and maybe they are
sneaky creeps you need to eliminate
better do it fast before they get all

rapido flying and screeching
right up in your grill
with the spewing of poison
and the fury slashing 

while you try to reload
you stare into their serrated gut carriage
and the next thing you know

PUNK ROCK SONG FOR CRASS TO SHOUT

ALL DAY LONG PISSING SO MUCH PISSING
ALWAYS PISSING SLASH SLASH SLASH
SOMTIMES SHITTING BUT MAINLY PISSIN
SPEND MY TIME DOING THIS THING CALLED
PISSING AWAY TIME PISSING JUTS
PISSING YOUR LIFE AWAY DUT DUT
PISSING YOUR LIFE AWAY DUT DUT
NOTHING CLEVER ABOUT IT JUST PISS
TILL THE GRAVE COMES THEN YOULL WISH ONE MORE
TIME TO GO PISSING YOUR LIFE AWAY DUT DUT
AT LEAST SOMETHING IN CMON WIX|THX
 
SHOUT ABOUT THE INDIGNITY CHRIST THE

PISSING INDIGNITY BUT PAUPERS AND KINGS ALIKE
LET IT OUT AT LEAST BE PROUD TO BE PART
OF THE PISS CLASS CROWD CMON EVEN YOU
CANT BE ABOVE PISSING LIKE SOME LORD KRISHNA
SUCH DELUSIONS ARE A BETRAYAL
OF YOUR FIZZ CLASS BASED BEING
BE PROUD OF YOUR ENDLESS PISSING

FROM YOUR PEASANT PEEHOLE
IF ITS UP AGAINST THE WALL OR IN THE BED 
DONT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR HUMAN NATURE
PISS LIKE A LADY OR
PISS LIKE A RACEHORSE
ADMITIT SUMBIT IT YOU BEEN NOTHING 
BUT A PISS MACHINE ALL YOURLIFE

Ascension Bridge

Languishing, heard an announcement for
new game show on Progressive TV
(cable channel 449)

Rearrange a lost song for three instruments
"in the style of" with all the usual
parameters applied and you may nominate one close contact

I chose the frockless Friar Rouse
low priest of the 16-volume aerophone
we had in mind the Yes song
Morning Capture don't
bother looking it up. Moraz era
modus Debussy, our research was
negligible bordering on the extensive

      Vivid orchestration
      Melodic brilliance
      Hints of exoticism

Lost the bidding war for the cheat music
lost the rights to the performing rotunda
this was an uphill struggle and we were
soon wriggling with crabs

Rouse 'Rabbie please' full of encourage
acquired a tempus root - perfectly legit -
and we were soon among the front runner
all we needed now was a sniff of the dust
and we'd be conveying, relaying

I'd been channelling the Voice
for decades, on the not even off chance
as the crabs were finally
brought under control

      Uniquely bold
      Spontaneous energy
      Strong - rapid - integrated

Few recall the spectacle of Rouse and me
yanking steam-fragmented sounds
from both past and future
skipping the here and now. Our title
was Ascension Bridge and victory was
of no consequence

You have drawn a girl

In 78,759 BCE, in the Nile Valley,
near present-day Cairo, a girl was born
whose name is lost to history.

Her band was about 30 people strong.
Her dwelling was a brush or grass windbreak.
She was the sixth of six children.
Her father died when she was 22,
her mother when she was 38.

She ate largely wild sedge tubers,
wild waterfowl, Nile catfish and tilapia,
and wild greens and reed shoots,
with wild figs in season.

She stood some 159 cm tall (5 ft 3 in).

Of the twelve children she had, four boys
and a girl survived past childhood. Her journeys
took her no farther than 6 days' walk,
to the far edge of the band's seasonal range.

She spoke an unrecorded prehistoric language
and followed animism and shamanism.
She spent her days as a gatherer of
wild plants and small game.

She lived 54 years, dying of
a respiratory infection.
Her line came to four grandchildren.

https://anyhumanever.com/

Eruption during the cleansing ceremony (1963)

Did you see
the vivid, prolonged twilight glows
    long-lasting twilight colours
   deep, fiery red sunsets

Did you see
    stratospheric dust stripes
    a volcanic aerosol haze and
the sunlit illuminated, visible
bands in the twilight arch

A brilliant arc of lavender, pink
    and fiery orange
would rise from the west

And well into the night
light was strong enough to cast
distinct shadows on the ground 

Did you notice how
    during the great catastrophe
the sky simply did not look right.
Losing its crisp, deep blue appearance
turning more milky 
    chalky, some say turbid
    sometimes, a Bishop's Ring

An early indicator
   of the aerosol blanket
   which cooled the planet for a year

Do you remember
those months when
global winds spread a veil
around the world

Round, oval, square, heart

A fringe will help
  raucous laughter not but
a fringe will cover up
  a prosecco clock multitude
red no I want to say auburn

  Americans are wary
    maybe a parting will help
what if I'm on the telly
with my fringe will it
make me look
  with their bangs
younger or older
  they became the Bangles

I think a fringe could help
  but what if I'm 40? will
    what then how will it help
 call my stylist Jacques he
   can work wonders

Eight million spirits

And everyone of them lol'd
or is it lolled at Hugo when he
took a tumble
when he went a over t
by the O-torii Gate
and ended up splashing down
into the muddy sand but

the best part was the crab
they absolutely peed
theyself at that
the old Yaoyorozu

with poor Hugo lay there soaked
and this raging crustacean nipping at
his nose now you're
embellishing if not out
right inventing, like the boy

wasn't a laughing stock
before he even got off
the boat

Losing the will to live

They said he had idlers disease
but chronic fatigue and
fatal weakness
was as real as the atomic bomb

He was genuinely ill and exhausted
    radiation sickness
he was treated with cold disdain
    derogatory treatment

Suffering from
invisible effects since the flash
that changed the world

Profound psychological
and physical distress

He would writhe in unbearable
agony; an endless, vicious cycle

Destruction of your family, your
work, your city followed
by discrimination and
rejection from your
own people

Every hospital sent him away
classified him as a mental patient

    one hundred scars

Lung warfare

Take a picture now zoom in
on those delicate scarlet blommers
filling a corner of the post-
event reception

Impossible spores calculated to infect
and occupy my specific lymphatics

Foreign agents, reagents
somehow they knew my latent
susceptibility
to the trumpet particulate

I was a man on a mission
arousing suspicion
I really did complete
the marathon but now I would struggle
to finish my sentence

Ethical concerns

The crab he destroyed his packaging
yes
he tore through the plastic wrap
with his claws
YES
the crab is free

- Can he be our pet now?

- A crab is not a pet.

- But we can't cook him now.

- I suppose not.

- Not now he's exscaped.

- Escaped. But he - or she - 
    has earned its freedome.

Office Christmas Party, I Forget Which Year

To save money and because we were all so
Key worker busy shifting through the festive period

The grand project the big launch
We'd hardly decorated the office and
Held no celebrations there

Dirty laundry in my cabinet
Stuffed below a stack of microwave snacks

I'd barely ventured outside in weeks
No time to visit the parents, such a
Great excuse, working right up to the chimes
Sober as the days were long

Someone started vacuuming at five minutes past
Another kip on the camp bed beckoned

Some messages pinged on my phone
Old friends, your mum and dad, then
An unknown number reading:

hi lov e yuo bu t
we cantt b fr einds ny mor e
hapy new ye r
wi ll neve r forg t th ose time sx

And I won't get any older

The overpowering even through
the car window of the farmyards and
muck spreading in Hampshire fields
as a new song comes on the radio
about a man who used to be disgusted

I'd recently become obsessed with
every new song and all the old songs
a thrilling addiction that
lit up my developing brain along
side the horrifying surges of puberty
with much sprouting and eruptions
        I tried to be amused

But how long can you hold your breath and
pretend none of this is happening
the horrors of school briefly paused
now the immersion in family conflict
can be resumed, and how long

Will this stench continue, it's
right in the back seat with me and
my oblivious sister
in the days before seatbelts
on the way to grandma's
for the summer holidays it's
as if the filth will cling to me forever

Same as the man on the radio with
the unlikely name who's done some kind of
deal with he devil even if he talks
        of angels

Every minute more

Only deepens the humiliation
just know this
when a person
tries to fight back
against severe degradation
using aggression
or retaliation
it often fails
to restore power
and instead only deepens
the humiliation the
severe degradation

locking the victim
further into
a painful cycle
of powerlessness
and conflict
to preserve the memory
to bear witness
to take revenge
severe degradation

Just know this
Jesus said that everyone
who exalts himself
will be humbled, and
he who humbles himself
will be exalted
to take revenge
and seek justice
or ultimately
to forgive
severe degradation

She learned to express

Untitled
woman of braided steel
raised by parents
recurring themes
drawings of fading memories
who ran who helped

one of the great figures
iconic
drypoint and etching
Do You Love Me?
rendition of the encased couple
etching in red
I Love You
that was our punishment
a deep focus tapestry
iconic

Do You Love Me?
explore materiality
twinrocker paper support
a gifted student
a gift of love
in the workshop
I wanted to love
on wove paper
restoration business
estimate USD 60,000
explore gender norms
transform love
freighted with meaning
initialled in pencil
into hate iconic
raised by parents
to love you more

the depths of
how can I be you
tenderness and trauma
red boot-like figures
I Wanted to Love You More
her own psychology
emptied of it
renowned literary translator
the words "we love you"
iconic
rising from water in a circle
to her friend
removed under data protection
raised by parents
free delivery over £1,000

her friend and assistant
raised by parents
I wanted to love
untitled
she also helped out
explains the childhood
to lo ev yo u mo r e

On the rebound

So many times I tried
to get through to you
trampoline friends are not real friends
you can't rely on them
you will not survive the
tough times with them. Now

How can you expect me
to go with you to their
bouncing jamboree, or the
thanksgiving tumbling party

I don't roll like that
I won't somersault for you
And I'll say it again your
trampoline friends are not real friends

Down time

We were just normal men
goofing off in the office
in our private lives
in our personal times
Gavin and let's call him Lee
mid-level digital warriors
for the camera sported
oversized red bucket hats
just a couple of gorms
covered by cheap millinery
we sent the cropped
screenshot to the group chat
using the anon option
asking have you seen these
suspicious bucketheads
all in our off duty lives
all in the lunchbreak times
we asked the Q and came back
the A that one's Lee! yes
that's definitely him, we
recognise that old turkeyneck
don't need to see - in fact
would rather not see - his
maroon prune fizz
obscured by bucket don't
forget zoom at five

Barbecues I never had

If I was a dad
I'd have the Best Dad Ever written on my
big golden daddy of a mug
and glug my tea out of it
make it extra sweet, just like me

If I was a dad
I'd be the best dad those kids ever had
make my own five-a-side team
we'll go boy boy girl girl boy
then I think we'd better stop there

If I was a dad
I'd bring home the bacon,
I'd win the bread
but you can't drive my car,
you won't get in my head

If I was a dad
I'd be the kind of dad that gave the other dads
a good run for their money
keep them on their toes
put them in their place
to be fair. I'd be a very fair dad
up to a point and you'll never
be sure where that point begins
or ends

If I was a dad
you could be my wife and you'd love
every minute of our life, I swear
I'd treat you like a princess
unless you disappointed me in any number of ways
and then you'd see
a very different side of me

If I was a dad
I'd enjoy a laugh as much as the next man
but if you mistake that for weakness
you'll discover I'm not
the forget and forgiving kind

I'll be very firm but very fair
justice must be seen to be done
no one comes at the daddy

If I was a dad
I'd be all for equal rights but
at the same time
I will wear the trousers
and I will wear the pants
it's not so complicado
this daddy's numero uno

Tavern Legend

 You're fired

-SLAM!-

Help her?

- Thank you!

- I am completely drenched

a Towel b Comb c Sponge

- I'm feeling better.

- I still feel very cold.

a Match b Clothes c Hot Water

Interesting...

- I want to drink something hot.

a Hot Tea b Ice Drink c Hot Milk

- Are you serious?

- You don't really want to help me.

Interested ✓ Not interested? x

Install

Choose your own adventure

Wouldn't you submit to the lioness
prowling in her pearl dress
present yourself seasoned and
diced for her delectation if
she only possessed the
unfurled
inclination
of the unreasonable

Standard Pause Notation

Admiration for Linguistic Stillness
Suspicion of Performative Gestures

        minor cessation (;)

Bring forth the Chronometer of Gaps
Discard the Chronometric Spectroscope

        emphatic hush (_)

Unshackle your Percussive Oscillator
Consult the Gazetteer of Gaps

Do not commit Chthonic Signage heresy
The Petrified Whisper is a lie

        perceptual void (∅)

Begone ye geosymbolists, retire
to your Obsidian Depths

        calibrated lapse (◬)

Medical Emergency Song

I got a sebaceous cyst
a lump as big as your fist
got so much sebum it makes me sick
dome-shaped bump, and really thick

I require medical attention
cause my life's in suspension
my oil-producing gland
is really getting out of hand

Sebaceous
it stops me being flirtatious
sebaceous
full of pus and capacious

Sebaceous cyst
I've never been kissed
sebaceous cyst
do you get the gist
sebaceous cyst
you won't be missed
sebaceous cyst
you're not on my shopping list

It's a source of distress
a cause of some tenderness
it's an epidermoid issue
and I really won't miss you
when you're surgically excised
I'll feel more civilized
farewell keratin protein
no more skin like a baked bean

Sebaceous
oh how to stop it
sebaceous
you better not pop it

Ximhart xo Xantaven (1980 or 1981)

 Xor xi xyor xansar

      xedoprah xingtab xolokning

xrak xoffe xincea xargo

xuvvakra xeelgo xaarpo xybe xefels

      xissnaa xibbotah

xyo xanna xamak - xingbat -

xaam xoonor xohxex xorgle

      xexi xubble xatt xraxak

            - xubxab -

xohxex xararu xublut

      (xurla xorkral)

xwepgo xax xijnab

      (xiffer xoober)

xanderxoon xin xassfapooha

xamuro xip xuplugg

      xodro xratbee

xohxex xiste xantena xaura

      xok xakamara

xak xes xing xyo

xorfa xo xamo xaxilling

      xrof xelango xo xymo

      xraxax xak xodron

xarxa ximhart xo xantaven

All the Trimmings

Joe hadn't spoken to anyone in three months
weekends shut in, and now the festive period
was crawling into view
with dread in its locks and bleakness in his house

Joe forced himself to go for a walk,
on such a cold and winter's day,
down to St Luke's
he would never venture inside,
he wasn't that desperate
but there was a glowing structure in the grounds
strangely alluring in the afternoon gloom
maybe a nativity scene
it couldn't hurt to take a closer look
find some minor amusement at the tableau
of angels and farmyard animals

Joe was too close to turn back when he realised
it was just a hut selling Christmas trees
'Can I help you mate?'
for Christ's sake he couldn't just leave
and he wasn't in the market for a
mansized fir companion
'Last few remaining mate, I can do you
a very reasonable deal'

Joe opened his voice and tried to explain
his vision of the nativity and
how he didn't really celebrate Christmas
'I get it mate, I really do. We should
focus on the core message and ignore all
the modern sideshow. Even I can see that.
Tenner each though. All gotta go.'

Joe lugs his mansized fir companion
back up the road. Might as well
buy a turkey now

Cute Paper Hedgehogs

on closer inspection
parents were horrified
seemed like a kind gesture
no malice involved
a man approached
an older man
just a mistake
unsettling encounter
Merseyside police
normally checked the pages
crafted the little creations
pure sexual stuff
Nicholson Baker

       𝄐

grabbed a middle page
absolutely obsessed
received a hedgehog
and a furry nose
came across a Facebook post
no offences have been committed
seven other families
it was adult content
eager to get their hands
parents were so concerned
taken home a hedgehog
a carrier bag full of them
mortified by the mistake
handing them to children
made them at home as a hobby
made from explicit pages
ran upstairs and grabbed
for a local charity
pure sexual stuff
Nicholson Baker

       𝄐

complete with googly eyes
created in good faith
only some contained
sister being murdered
handmade creations distributed
explicit content
their hands on a hedgehog

I want to reach the final with you

We came through the lengthy qualifying group
playing home and away, at first
some glorious wins followed
by a narrow squeak, a stalemate
and one or two disappointments it has to be said

We weren't the best
but we weren't the worst

Everyone would agree that
improvements had to be made
tactical tweaks, some fresh energy
could help
but let's not panic

We made it through the group stage with ease
solid performances all round
some of it was cagey and
may have lacked for excitement
but we got the job done, you know
at this stage
it's all about
getting the
job done, it's certainly no
time to panic

Some sniped where's the flair, where are
the thrills we were promised
but you know at this level
it's a results business
this isn't a Hollywood movie, it's
real life, you just
keep plugging on

There were some calls for radical change
but we've come this far
with a solid defence, so
we can afford to ignore the small voices

We must stick together -
team spirit, hard work,
trust in the process -
see the job through to the bitter end

Quarter-finals, semi-finals
waiting for the knockout

I'm in it for the duration
I'll cope with red cards
I'll deal with the injuries
I'm ready for penalties

I want to reach the final with you

My latest misadventures

Why always me, I thought as the last-remaining
Alcott barrier on the London network
clamped down on my back, it
was an honest midjudgement on my part
I'm sure they'll - ouch.

Extrication was an impossible task,
there was an ineffectual flailing of limbs
and a plaintive cry 'Excuse me. Can somebody help?'

Boots I saw muddy boots and a sarcastic
ha-ha look at this one
flapping like a crab with its claws taped up
you know the penalty for Fare Evasion son

Sir I am 57 years old.

We all saw you on CCTV trying to
scuttle under the Alcott
she's an unforgiving mistress isn't she?

What the hell. Can you just release -

My partner of course was nowhere to be seen,
and I could hardly blame her. She didn't need
to get mixed up in another one of my escapades
what with her professional standing. We would laugh
about it one day, maybe later this
very day, over a nice casserole and a glass of vino

* * * *

I'd purchased the not
inexpensive can of Qhoopass™ for an occasion such as this
popped the flap to see the liquid iron filings
slurp and assemble rather pleasingly, then ascend
my enemy's leg his chunky faux leather clad
treetrunk leg. Now, I thought, he
will rue the day. Oh he will rue it.
So long as he withheld his disbelief
long enough for the patent Qhoopass™
congealing process to render him paramagnetified 

* * * *

My pride and joy allotment crater
had flooded, so I tried to rescue the
latest cucumber crop. 

First things first I should alert my tidy wife
but the burning sun and the floods, the
exponential fruit and vegetable growth
it was all too much really. Whatever
you do don't panic

Stuffed some of my proud cucumber in my mouth
my fat mouth to test its resilience. A moist chew
and most delish to use a word my wife hated

I was going to offer a cutting of
this fast growing heritage gourd
to Annette my co-worker
but right now yes I should warn the others

To lend myself some dignity I donned
a straw hat and my vintage t-shirt
the one sporting the legend
Canned Iron Comedian
we all liked the way it hung on my dadbod

The water was rising and my top was wet
tried to pull it off over my head
but it got trapped in the straw hat
my mouth full to choking with fruit
or was it a vegetable, and I recalled

The words wise words of Wolsey: All
human activity is meaningless, and
struggle is futile boy

Some local children had spotted my pool
and began to frolic, good for them

* * * *

But once she found it charming the sweet talk
and the queer slang I used

She said you big dummy don't you see
how the whales and elephants
are looking down on us from their jungle perch

She was convinced they were spying on us
something to do with the refraction of light
nacreous clouds, the fata morgana

At first it seemed quirky cute later
frankly insane, plus she had the temerity
to say they were trying to burn the five statues
of our heroes the great ones our champions
the five true statues we'd been searching for all our lives

We had never been told their names
why do your sky creatures have it in for those guyz
oh, she said, you know they're guyz

I needed some new vocabulary to
pull down the ropes from the skyline

Ivory Power more like

The decision of granting of tenure is a life long commitment
Oooooh I'm up for tenure mur mur muh

I left teaching because I couldn't get tenure
I stopped worrying about tenure
So it looks like I got my tenure

The rules have saddled colleges
with self-indulgent prima donnas
elbow-patch eggheads and smug becardiganed twerps
who seem to think they're philosopher kings

Checklist, I never leave home without
One, my laser pointer with five settings
it's a real ice-breaker with the sophomores

Tenure can be used as a club to wield against the powerless
O me! O life! I'm having a mid-term crisis
I mean, I have tenure. I really can say whatever I want

Two, reference management software
i.e. EndNote to manage libraries

Tenure in any department is a serious business
His tenure review is in three months
It means, essentially, employment for life
You can't get fired, even if you're bad at it?
He's trying to get an article in print
What does Gopnik say?

I mean, I have tenure and it's a terrible idea
Well I'm up for tenure this fall
I really can't say whatever I want

Three, leather bound notebook
it adds a touch of olde worlde class
yet remains entirely blank

I can really say whatever I want
I'm up for tenure at Columbia!
It keeps them around forever and they don't have to work hard
What does Gopnik think?
I'll be up for tenure in a few years. Does that count?

Four, my periodic table temperature-controlled mug
gifted me by a fellow Nobel Laureate

Professor Thurber loves to teach
but I really didn't want to become a professor
or get tenure or even teach or even exist

Maybe we don't have to wait for tenure. Maybe we
just say goodbye yellow brick road goodbye Harvard
or maybe we just have to wait to wait to wait for tenure

Five, I like to wear the full gown, hood, Tudor bonnet regalia
my track record of astronomical research
deserves a certain ceremonial grandiosity

I probably shouldn't be saying this on TV, but
a dual monitor setup is de rigueur
sure a stylus tablet, the stream deck and
to the extent that tenure supports ergonomic peripherals
a high-end USB microphone, and academic freedom, I support tenure

"I'm a tenured professor"
Congratulations. I'm so happy for you
Professor Thurber swears by Hagoromo fulltouch chalk and yet
the academic tenure process stands in the way of great research
Oh Donald you don't have to tell me about
the dramas played out in academic departments

I have a tenure joke, but you won't get it

Pluracy

Taylor Swift (Irish accent)

Taylor Swift (Japanese accent)

Taylor Swift (Scottish accent)

Taylor Swift (French accent)

Taylor Swift (Australian accent)

Taylor Swift (Italian accent)

Taylor Swift (Jamaican accent)

Taylor Swift (German accent)

tˈeɪlɚ swɪft (unintelligible accent)

Taylor Swift (Dutch accent)

Taylor Swift (Irish accent again)

Taylor Swift (Swedish accent)

Taylor Swift (Spanish accent)

Taylor Swift (Russian accent)

The gang gets the technology

The gang reassembles in the old flat
it's not an apartment or a condo Mehgun
in superliminal munculate mode
due to the archetypal limbo state discovered
back in 2050 by the Lunar HoloMonks

ElVee proudly displays an apple
box of tiny green lightbulbs
'You remember these, they're collectors items'
he gathered from the wreckage of the house next door

He thinks there's a market for everything
but he's the market. 'You're the market buddy'

Later sat in Loop's room with a floral IPA
I point out their window at the new shops
which were once shady lock-ups. They're in
a low mood 'They just sell trash'

Try to lift them up 'Maybe I want to buy trash'
They jab back 'You can certainly afford it, all that
cash under your mattress'

The dynamics are the same, the main difference
is we have a Skiv-0h for the washing up. Mehgun says
'doing the dishes' of course. She's visiting as usual,
stays long weekends at least half
the week never any suggestion of paying rent
but I've learned to keep my fat lip shut

Something's off and I try to voice a thought
about cheap nanosurgeons who fail their Grade One
stitch class but ElVee waves me away
'That's such a 1986 thought, you
can't live in the past' but that's
exactly the point

It was (certainly not) the worse of times
wait a minute, it was always the worst
once we had t-shirts printed up
reading We are the Worst after the Dean's remark

The fire in the swimming pool.
'The corpse in the shopping trolley'
adds ElVee. 'And the bomb that
definitely wasn't a bomb!' pipes up Mehgun

She suggests taking
the aeriolator to the newmarket
see if anyone wants our vintage lightbulbs

Loops still likes to squeeze my shoes,
always with the shoe envy
'Green - felt' he murmurs
'They're not for sale.'

Their grandson avatar has popped up
naturally I point out these munchkins
are illegal now. Loops says it's a mere residue and
Bobin is pure fog which can't be detected

But 40 years ago or 40 years ahead
even if we are the worst I say
let's all make up and be fuzzy friends again

Beanstock Festival

Bean Day were the headliners
Haricot Styles, Fava John Misty
you get the picture (yes we see)

He enjoyed them all
but he never found his way back
he's been driving round the car park
looking for a way out
in a clapped out cracked up tractor

He's been living off black beans baked beans kidney beans
they never held the festival again so he
can dust the crops with the gift of methane

He's been bin diving for rags and tools
his one-man tent has seen better days
his bin diving in a ditch
his bin diving in a foxhole
has rendered him unrecognisable
even unto himself yes
we've all seen better days

He's been living off soy beans butter beans broad beans
he's been sick he's been well he's been
to heaven and he's seen hell

He's seen sunshine and he's seen rain
treated both of them with disdain
he's been better but haven't we all
and he's been down so long
it feels like up to him

He's been living off and in and under the land
he reckons he's got another 25 years in him
the festival of survival is second nature
the spectacle of surprises will never end

The Zelkova Tree

I think that I shall never see
anything like the Zelkova tree

A tree which sits on Dulwich Common
it's been added to Google maps
native to Japan, this foreign
import has led some to rhapsodise
about its charms - 'splendid, awesome
with a muscular fluted trunk'

Others are less impressed
with this 200-year-old guest

'good tree'
'adequate tree'
'I mean its a tree innit'

    'Just the tree
    near the park
    and near the road'

A tortoise named Winston Churchshell

music to vibe out to
modo fac tincan folklore
quirly-candy-toy sound
Electric Chariot section
smoking the green stuff

there are people who will read the Bible
pure kosmische musik energy
this is what an apple tastes like?
I may have a problem

a small journey to just getting baked
and drawing stuff trippin' like a butterfly
every place that you can imagine
oh my nihilism - is this canon?
like some lost artifact or memory

music to groove to, almost like a great book
for the first time and walk away
at 10:27 I start to ascend
difficult to listen to where this feels broken
First Dance Wedding Tune 

I'm believing every word, music to get lost in
honestly the best song
whale speaks of all time not even kidding
kicking ass all choppy and shit
in these fast times that we live in

I guess if you were a weed head in the 90s
and grew up with divorced parents
and had no culture or responsibility
and your head was lost in a cloud of pot smoke
this song met your low expectations

Nothing saddest me more as a fan of my big stompys

The unfortunate reality
of truly giant robots
is that nearly every material you can imagine
behaves like jelly
at large enough scales

Not if they made with unjellyfunium

Even buildings? Yes mass
dampeners exist specifically
to counter-jiggle because they wobble in the wind

The square-cube law
is one of the real Buzz Killingtons of physics

Discovered this ages 10 
building truss bridges
out of tape and drinking straws

This is why the truly giant ones
are made from psychic energy

My cat walked across one of my bridges
and I was like holy crap plastic straws
seem stronger than steel for their size

It will be different when we discover
the super space alloy and power it
with the super space energy rays
that will make everything work like I dream

The unfortunate reality
of truly giant robots
is that nearly every material you can imagine
behaves like jelly
at large enough scales

You don't make the giant mega ship,
you make many small ships

That's what my brain says anyways,
but my heart says giant robots are cool

This is why the Magazord uses
five smaller robots to mitigate this effect

Like if you think about it,
planets behave like liquid
over a billion years

This is why we need either
Gundanium alloy OR the Dead Sea Scrolls

I once prefabbed a straight run of 120’ of 4” steel pipe
for a welder. Took 10 guys to get it in the trench.
It bowed like a piece of spaghetti

It's fine just replace the bushings
in the leg joints every 1.4 miles

Time for peanut butter robot

The unfortunate reality
of truly giant robots
is that nearly every material you can imagine
behaves like jelly
at large enough scales

That's why the ultimate giant robot is made
from the energy of Man's indomitable will to live

Failure in your relativistic dynamic compression
members propagates at almost the same speed you can warn of it

But you can build some robots
of unusual size using
monocrystalline diamond

We just need to keep the robots
at human size and shrink all the people

Then why don't mountains flop like an jelly


https://x.com/ashlee3dee/status/2068346914081259783

Corned Beefs

I will sneer at you if you say these things:

To be pacific
For all intensive purposes
Doggy-dog world
Mute point
On tender hooks
Pass mustard
Cold slaw
Damp squid
Old-timer's disease
Off the beat and track
Take it for granite
Takes two to tangle
Chester draws
Wheelbarrel
Dull as dishwater
Old wise tale
Expresso
Escape goat
In one fowl swoop

And I will sneer at you if you write these things:

Baited breath
Bare witness
Tow the line
Illicit a response

But I will congratulate you if you say these thing:

Skellington

My authentic self

I just tell it like it is
I will say boo to a goose
I'll upset the applecart
I call it refreshing honesty
others say I'm a toxic tart

Like, like if you don't like
my opinion I have others
I'm very much what-you-see-is-what-you-get

My other half gets me
I'm lacking in tact and
deficient in guile while
he's the honey, I am the marmite

We go together like sugar and spite
like rama lama fa fa fa so
I'm far too salty, he's far too nice
but playing nice never won the prize

I paid the cost to be the boss
I know they whisper I'm a jerk
but somebody's got to pull the strings
so pretty please
let's get to fucking work

Father's Day Walk, Ornamental Canal System

- Look it's the loneliest heron
  add it to your app.

She means Merlin, meanwhile

Oi kids! Look up!
    What.
Put your phones down now and look up.
    Where daddy?
In the flaming tree, look, before-
    What's up there daddy?
It's a heron.
    What's that?
A BIRD! Big bird.

- Did you get it?
- Yes I got it. Let's move on. 

Exolinguistic Incident, 2038

A Chinese businessman clutching a briefcase turns and asks me
if he can walk to The Guardian offices from this stop.
He has some important papers to deliver.
And it must be done in person. He glances
over his shoulder. I say no sir this is Victoria.
Where does this train terminate?
It stops at King's Cross.
That's not what I asked.
Yes but you could walk from there.

I tire of his questions and fall asleep.
The lack of oxygen down here. And it's
all been so tiring lately don't you find.
With the recent manifestations. The
rumoured disappearances.

I wake in a startle and slop off the tube
two stops past my target. I half
recognise the streets and feel confident
if I keep walking I can find my way home.
It's not dark yet but it's not light either.
A gentle rain begins to fall.
A bonfire aroma in the autumn evening.
A sign on the bridge up ahead.

Closer: it's wooden, domino shaped, pulsing and
patterned artefact which emits a hum or drone.
They say the pulses and hums are trying to tell us something.
I have a free app on my phone for just such an occasion.
It's called Rankgor don't ask me why.
Such signs had been manifesting recently.
Go ahead and interpret this, I mutter.

We kept hearing about the signs
but this was my first sighting. The app seemed
unable or unwilling to deliver a clear translation.
So I took a picture which I could study
if I ever got home. Once I got home.

Inbox, 2001

TERMINATE DEBT/NO BANKRUPTCY!  End dropped calls on the cell phone  ADV: Send Your Web Counter Ballistic!  Powerhouse of Nutrition! Most Complete source on Earth!  Larger Breasts Guaranteed with Natural Bust!  Be Your Own Boss!! Change Your Life Forever!  CLAIM YOUR MONEY NO PAY BACK! 

Re: Amazing New Program 

You Owe It To Yourself and Your Family

New Pill Adds 1 to 3 inchs to penis-Guarenteed 

Protect Yourself From Anthrax

ALL Bible ANSWERS ON CD 

University_Degree_Program 

Make big money sending emails........... 

Get Nature's Love Aid - 30 Day Trial Offer

Have more pleasure 

Maximize your business potential

Amazing Breakthrough For Fat Removal!

Double Your Life Policy No Extra Cost

Get Paid Quarterely in Advance 

Fw: Are You Living in Debt, Paycheck to Paycheck?

If you are Age 40 or Older - You must read this!!

Re: Your Next Door Neighbor 

I'm 19, and I just got my webcam! 

Take Advantage of Falling Interest Rates!

Real hope for Hair Loss.....Look Here........ 

Want to have more sex 

Loan Approval Notice

Is your mortgage APR as low as 3.94?

These Girls Are Incredible!

Increase Your Income in as Little as 2 weeks 

Warning everything you do on your computer is being logged

When I walked to work (2008)

        (i)

being beeped at the first crossing and nearly giving up.
a tweed coated toff atop a horse.
only reaching escape velocity by the zoo.
an imperious wave to the canal.
muttering oaths at motorists,
cheerfully cursing roadworks.
a cloud of hideous stench from
the portable toilet being emptied.
the capital's finest selection of fruit n veg.
setting a new world record of 98 mins.
they have different water on the other side of town.

        (ii)

kick off early, see the breakfast joggers, dog walkers
get a good whiff of that gutter cleaning fluid
inhale as you pass caffe nero
the shins howl for a mile or two, only to be expected
it's possible you have never been as unfit as you are now

curse at pavement cyclists who really deserve
to be booted onto the public highway. you are now
entering a zone of privilege. creatures beamed in
from a different dimension. a blossom shower
is a brief blessing but the sky's moody,
could go either way.

102 mins, no wrong turnings, no delay due to ancient mariner.
'the generative grammar of the legs.'
empty promise to do it more often.

You cannot continue

You have asked for a security code too many times.
You must wait up to 15 minutes before trying again.

But how long must we wait for the change
of the season, a changing of the guard
or a minor change of heart. These are
not the same not the same

You have asked for a security code too many times.
Do not make repeated attempts during this time.

But how long must we wait
How long! How long! You must wait
up to 15 minutes before trying again.

Have you tried another browser?
If you try again now you will be
locked out for another 24 hours.

You have requested too many codes.
You have triggered an automated security cooldown.
You must wait up to 15 minutes before trying again.

But I don't want to wait, I want it now
I want to go now, I must have it now.
I will not wait for 24 hours. Yes I've
cleared cache and cookies

Have you received your 2-Step Verification code?
Have you tried incognito mode?
I am having the exact same issue

Try again! Try again! You must wait
up to 15 minutes before trying again.

You must wait you will wait
Wait! Wait! If you can stand
to wait the moment will pass

All these moments will pass

Confessional

Of course my so-called real name is not
Lee Holloway Towers
I changed it by dead pool
around the turn of the century

After turning up at my new job
trying to fit in, making the small talk
when I'm asked point blank by
the owlish girl
'Do you write poetry?'

What an outrageous question

Of course I denied it as I would surely
have denied our Lord. What kind of a pervert
would admit to being one of those people?

Perhaps someone lacking in shame and pure of heart

Of course she'd googled the new recruit
and found some incriminating results
submissions from the earliest days of the internet

'There must be more than one of me'

A lesson was learned
a new name was gained
a fresh beast was born

Waste transfer notes

significant levels of contamination
it's the taxpayer who foots
no interest in protecting
waste producers, waste brokers
80,000 documents

no intention of complying
after a painstaking trawl
a series of boreholes
falsifying documents
the public purse
waste producers, waste brokers
and 80,000 documents

recover all of his assets
noncompliance with a permit
delve into the paperwork
it was the right result
from Lowestoft to Leeds to Liverpool
it had all the ingredients
waste producers, waste brokers
80,000 documents

provided us with waste transfer notes
convicted the site owner
proximity to the water supply
*the crown court*
to avoid paying landfill tax
thousands of inert sites but
waste producers, waste brokers
and 80,000 documents

in polluting the environment
mounted a thin defence
samples taken by consultant
illegal activity
incriminating evidence
one of the more feeble excuses
hazardous materials
the conditions of the permit
unsuitable, unlined
waste producers, waste brokers
80,000 documents

the cost of building a new reservoir
the outright lying
blinded by greed
*reconstruction*
toxic chemicals
he was turning a tidy profit
eventually, he pleads guilty
+this site is currently closed+

waste producers, waste brokers
80,000 documents
and it's unusual to see
custodial sentences
for environmental offences

Car and Girl

I remember when       we were driving
driving in your car      yes we were driving
                                driving in your car
       like this moment now here   
       now    there        could never end

In a blue Ford Mustang 5.0 GT
four speed automatic, Virginia plates
cruise control and everything

We were driving and singing
laughing and riding
just like young lovers
just like real people do

This was before your drinks were spiked
and my face got rearranged

Wub Wub Wub 210626

fat wub
oscillator 1
    fat wub
    dirty saw or sine wave
      fat wub
      phase 12 minus
        fat wub
        assign an LFO
    fat wub
    saturation
fat wub
compression

fat fat wub
apply a tube distortion
    fat fat wub
    bring out the high-end crunch
      fat fat wub
      specific plugin chains
        fat fat wub
        exact knob settings
    fat fat wub
    shape the low and high ends
fat fat wub
push drive and resonance to add grit

    fat wub
    serum!
    fat wub
    vital!
    fat wub
    wobble!

Bad Weather for Ducks

All the lame ducks were swimming in the waters of your mucky wake

So you became the magnetic collector of hamstrung mallardians

Claimed you never meant to hook them off the dusty shelf

Then why did you travel to the lonely fairground

You pleaded you didn't mean to lead them down dead end paths

But did you not hover around their nesting grounds

Did you not breed a feeble trail of crumbs

To keep them waddling deeper down the narrows

Please perverted piper don't deny how you trapped them

In the oily waters of your filthy slipstream

No time to wipe them clean or listen to their wounds

Or even scoff at their lame and injured quackeries

Kid yourself you were only waiting

for the golden goose

and the magic egg

and the holy barnyard

Silent Pop

After being fully cured of brain weevils
his brave and tortured feet trod meaningfully if not
magnificently towards the shopping mall
ready at last for the arcade of abundance

When a dancing sphere not quite
lighter than air but certainly greener and fatter
bounced along the road beside him
he recognised a portent as well as the next ape

Should he adopt it, or release it
back into the nearest ocean?

It swerved into the road and survived strikes
from not one but two vehicles before
silently popping beneath a third

It was certainly like something but what

Platinum Jubilee David

Holding his cigarette between his transition to
working again in book was asked by
every like champagne in celebration of the fabric
of the surveyor unafraid and generous
and beyond them him to
understand optics master for joy 

Some years later to get in contact with David the long
email chain to invite him to make a stained mythical
mythical awestruck utterly working in book
mythical 1980s Hollywood Thanksgiving
insatiably voraciously curiously
assured master for joy 

There have been few eyes
they are brown
because days going
resolved by thinking Deans in the end
brother Ptolemy appointed as David came to see
a guided three piece suit
and after that we became friends
Rufus in his school play of the hawthorn
bushes exploding my glass window
and in Yorkshire the hedgerows 

To film David smoking his young self
took a bit of convincing but in the end
a glass window like champagne in celebration
in surveyor of the fabric of
platinum David invited to make a stained Yorkshire
he resolved by thinking of
the long email chain the guided hedgerows
the blue greater pleasures of his poorly space

Some years later Ptolemy appointed
his native contact with David in Cabaret
of the hawthorn bushes exploding if he knew
the then Dean Abbey in honour of paint yourself
was asked by Rufus in his school play
was asked by scientists in their technologies 

Our family maxim "Inspiration she does just had
his 11th birthday"

Rufus in his three piece school play
Yorkshire a stained bore and
Westminster Abbey asked by the hawthorn bushes
to fetch a canvas dressed parents
exploding he resolved by thinking
brother Ptolemy newly guided like
our son Rufus like champagne in celebration
took a bit of convincing to invite him like
our son Rufus like champagne curiosity

To make fabric of the email chain
some years later in honour of the hedgerows
if he knew how to get the Abbey or how
to get in contact with the Queen's Platinum David

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2026/jun/12/david-hockney-remembered-artists-rachel-whiteread-jeremy-deller

https://cutuptechnique.com/

It Can't Walk Away

At the height of its elevation it looked six years old

At the height of its immolation it was nearly ten

At the depths of its dependence it had a mental impairment

At the depths of its ascendance it flourished as malnourished

The chosen child chose to be covered in sores

In the light of its destiny it was locked in the darkest cellar

In the light of its destiny it lived in the world's richest city

In the dark of its promise it lived on sawdust and scraps

In the dark of its promise it sat in its own sacred filth

The chosen child rejoiced in its sores

It huddled it hid it cringed in the corner

Living under threat of being cleansed and living in sunlight

Led to the memory of its womb figure's voice and a

life-not-lived, it squeaked "I will be good. Please let me out"

Los Ritual

She took the big plunge
I accompanied for the encouragement
the ice dive no wetsuit surface breaker
the local name escapes me

We walk back to the camp
She's shivering she's shaking but
- Don't touch me

The others, the fire mob
snort and scoff - Is it even
real if you didn't film it

That's when I started to untie the antique harpoon
from the wall

She shook her frosty curls like - Enough
of your nonsense

She'd undertaken the big dipper
and was free from us all

393 to Chalk Farm

He's just a normal dude who rides the bus
looking for signs like a regular guy
a stand-up sit-down scum of the earth type
I'm talking about myself in case. Now

Scratched on the seat in front are
new clues
I need your help to decode

1. Dara is a freshie
2. Nom is a Godod

Reply, reply. I await your device

Forever etched in chalk

He decided to hang up his darts
bin the arrows for good now
the line and length had gone down the dumper

Now the friendly pub banter had evolved into
mean-spirited barracking. They called
him an itchy twitcher, a wobble lobber, the
pant-wetting double dropper

Profanity had become
their lingua franca

Plus they crowded him. He could smell
the Monster Munch on their breath

'It's only the Weekend League Barry'

Also the fuzzy carpet triggered his
heart arrhythmia and tunnel vision

'It's only the Fox & Hounds Over 50s Baz'

Yes it was time to throw his arrows
down the well of amnesia

Also, being paid for a victory in ale
was an insult to a teetotaller

'You were so insulted you drank it anyway'

The Fish Question

I am a fish, and I am swimming
under a boat and I see a tasty
looking worm hanging from a hook,
should I eat it?

Swim away immediately!
That 'tasty' worm is trap called bait on spike.
You know spike? Ouch sharp metal demon
set by human, you know human right?
Your dad called them 'land monkeys'

If you nibble, a sharp metal hook
will pierce your pretty mouth,
and you risk being yanked out of the water
into a dry, oxygen-less environment. How will
you like that, hint not much Nemo. Snagged.
Glug glob choke. Become someone dinner.

Listen to your fishy instincts. Look
for shadows above, a ghostly wriggle.
Even if human is intend to let you go,
the trauma, scale loss, and injury from hook
can result in perfect lousy day
and make you easy prey
for bigger potatoes to fry.

Keep swimming fishfolks. Look for
real foraging grounds near structure and weeds.
Be smart, live long and shapeshift away.

Take the 3 minute quiz

You're not lazy - your brain is experiencing
functional freeze. I am lazy. And frozen.
You know everything you need to do
I do not know everything I need to do
but you cannot physically start. This
much is true. Starting a new routine every two
weeks I can start sometimes I can't stop
getting obsessed with a system but abandoning it
overnight. Wait what system. If you're struggling.
Yes I am struggling.
All human life is struggling.

You're not broken. Yes I am.
You're just stuck.
You're not broken. No I'm not.
You're just stuck. You say you're not broken.
But what if I am. What if. You're just stuck.
You're not broken. No you're not.
What if. You just suck.

The most famous non-famous person in London

We all used to see him parading
along Oxford Street. The
full-time human billboard "Protein Man"
who campaigned for the suppression of desire
who wished to dampen the libido by
the adoption of low-protein diet

He had porridge for breakfast
he advised against SITTING
ate steamed vegetables and pulses
prepared on a Bunsen burner
munched through a pound of apples a day

Stanley Green, known for
dietary-reform activism
Stanley Green, pamphleteer
and pedestrian

Prised for my Device

Can I help - hey!

She gripped my hand fiercely but I clung on to my phone.

No! No! I won't let you. She attempted to prise it from my grasp.

She didn't speak but grappled with determination as I writhed and dipped.
I hoped she didn't have a weapon such as a cosh or a metal comb.

It's only worth a fiver. That was my catchphrase.

Then give! She hissed, continuing to prise.

To my dismay I was taken up by her leather jacket
and bleached blonde hair, although her face
was brittle and shiny as a lemon moon.

I turned my back to her but she wrapped her
rabbit arm around my neck, and I inhaled the leather.

Still I wouldn't submit.

You're. Not. Getting it. 

(It had all my bird photos on it.
Over 200 different species.)

Stop wriggling.

I was an accomplished wriggler. Had been all my life.

I lifted the phone high. Look the screen's cracked,
and it's actually several years out of date.

A new tactic. She kneed me vigorously in the quadriceps.
It had been 40 years since victim of dead leg.

She is still prising. My eyes water a little, I will admit.
But now it is time to activate frenzy mode. The haystack,
the tornado. It's going to get messy.

You. Will. Not. Take. Me.

The Engine

The instant she started tearing
gleefully at the wrapping
paper I knew I had made
a terrible mistake but it was too late now.

- I'm so sorry.
- What is this?

It was a big red model train.

- It's a big red model train. Can we pretend this never happened.
- Why would you give this to me on our anniversary?

She trembled with the insult, the assault.

- I don't know what I was thinking, I'm so ashamed.
- If you want to play with trains that's up to you.
- I think I may have to kill myself.
- Don't be flippant.
- I'm being completely serious.

(We would both be better off if I was dead.)

The big red train sat on the carpet.
It was bigger and redder than I remembered.
Twice as big. Twice as red.
And I didn't want to play with it.

Metal Machine Music: The Anatomy of the Infinite Loop

1. A Glowing High-Frequency Sky

2. Overlapping Overtone "Ladders"

3. Acoustic Tremor and Phase Canyons

4. The High-Frequency Shift

Caroller at Mass (improv)

I was a perso at that point
not a coyote jack
hang wait on a min wait hang on
woo woo do you have hooves
don't come stomp in like that
we have stove to care fore
a pike and staff too less portent
still over the broom and never mind let's
recount three four five four you can
consider not you as a perso(n)
correct not correct

We've been through this, we are less
less than human thus less than humane
a critter substantially inhabiting the
confounded murky realm between
werewolf and vampire yet possessed
of entire diff genetic, don't worry
pretty so yr so-called head

One day soon don't laugh I/we/you will
fall in the water, not to break the ice
but because of matchstick century+++ leg###
century+++ leg### please read again
don't try to understand, and insult
or pretend of bone density for
the unborn, unforgiven, unbegotten

Drama? You like to raise drama now
sad point is we stuffed ancien dummies
are cellular incapable of revenge
stuck in centurial subspace
such then tech. escape hatch
plus then such oxygen deficit

The Gesture

As the end of my sessions drew near
it came into my head which I had learned
was poorly wired and liable to misfire
to present my patient
counsellor with a token of my gratitude 

For having listened to so many
weeks of my moaning and whining,
not to mention the groaning and wailing. 

Pressed for time I ducked into
the supermarket and grabbed the first substantial
item that manifested itself to me

Clutched it to my chest like a newborn
and hobbled along to the clinic.

And that is how I handed over
a 5kg sack of specialty potatoes

To Ms Piper while muttering my sweaty thanks
and suppressing the realisation I'd
neglected to pay for them.

She nodded and remarked that
across different cultures and historical eras,
the potato has shifted from an ancient agrarian deity
to a modern-day metaphor for quiet strength and grounding
and thus was an appropriate and touching gift 

Furthermore as a symbol of survival,
regeneration, and steadfast resilience
it signified that our work here was done.

Flaking Kingdom

I was at the loosest of ends
the people had voted for me to be
his official biographer
so that was how I ended up in his bedroom
the creaking zone

Walls stained with
scribblings none could decipher
daubed in crayon or soup while
bulbs swung bare from leather cords

His modest residence occupied and undecorated
for 25 years. The neighbours say he kept
himself to himself but reported
wives numbers one and two were really quite chatty

He himself sat smoking in the garden
hunched over and hammering
on a typewriter at all hours
while his cats prowled and brought tributes

Did you have a serving hatch

Yes we had a serving hatch
a hole in the wall between kitchen and dining room
for effective meal delivery, a
portal architecturally
known as a passthrough and

Great fun to climb through as a child
Maybe once as a bored adult when
no one was home

See also climbing over the baluster at the top of the stairs
and jumping onto the landing without bashing your head against
the wall or breaking an ankle
You had to make your own entertainment

But to return to the serving hatch
a feature particularly associated with the 1970s
along with the hostess trolley

Ours didn't have windows
or doors you could close
so when I was making
coffee in the kitchen that morning
I couldn't help but see
the shape
of the body
of my father
through the hatch
in the hospital bed
in the back room
where he spent his final night

Yes we had a serving hatch

I spotted him

Walking down Wardour Street one grey morning
on such a gloomy mundane day
        hay hay, hay hay, hay hay
        hee hee, hee hee, hee hee

On my way to work, I was late or
early no one cared not now or then
and when: nineteen ninety six

A figure walked, a denim jacketed fig
raw and majestic famed and aflame
of face set up against the cloud

He stopped
turned around
seemed confused
      it's him, it's definitely him he looks lost
      of course he does but now he's
      strutting languidly
      towards Oxford Street

Some call him Moz, I would not
  dare be so familiar certainly
    not speak to him, or even
      listen to him these days

I hope that's the correct response

Posh Isolation

You guys would be surprised at how many
people just sit in their house.
    That's it. That's their life.

These people just sit in their houses all day. They
    don't go outside, just stay in their house.

Such a preference can be a valid lifestyle
    choice rather than a lack of ambition.

Drawbacks such as reduced sunlight
    can impact sleep cycles and physical well-being.

        But people are annoying.

Honestly, I just find people exhausting
    even when they are perfectly nice and cordial
    all that having to fake nicey-nicey.

    Some people
    can stay inside
    their house
    for a whole week
    without going anywhere,
    and it doesn't
    bother them at all.

I've worked very hard to build a
comfortable life in a comfortable home.

        Also, people are annoying.

My house is where all my things are
    and I like my things.

I'm an introvert and all my hobbies
    can be done from the comfort of my room.

People are persistent irritants
    personal space invaders and
    social allergens.

        And I don't have to put pants on.

Don't discount optimal arousal theory
    I'm happy peaking in the moderate zone
    if that's all right with you.

Why go on a cruise or go to a theme park?
    You can just stay at home
    and watch videos on YouTube.

        Plus, people are annoying.

It's completely fine to limit your exposure
    protect your boundaries
     have a five-minute vent
     check your tank and
    focus on the core circle.

         It's too cold outside
         and I have massive social anxiety.