Beanstock Festival

Bean Day were the headliners
Haricot Styles, Fava John Misty
you get the picture (yes we see)

He enjoyed them all
but he never found his way back
he's been driving round the car park
looking for a way out
in a clapped out cracked up tractor

He's been living off black beans baked beans kidney beans
they never held the festival again so he
can dust the crops with the gift of methane

He's been bin diving for rags and tools
his one-man tent has seen better days
his bin diving in a ditch
his bin diving in a foxhole
has rendered him unrecognisable
even unto himself yes
we've all seen better days

He's been living off soy beans butter beans broad beans
he's been sick he's been well he's been
to heaven and he's seen hell

He's seen sunshine and he's seen rain
he's treated them all with disdain
he's been better but haven't we all
and he's been down so long
it feels like up to him

He's been living off and in and under the land
he reckons he's got another 25 years in him
the festival of survival is second nature
the spectacle of surprises will never end

The Zelkova Tree

I think that I shall never see
anything like the Zelkova tree

A tree which sits on Dulwich Common
it's been added to Google maps
native to Japan, this foreign
import has led some to rhapsodise
about its charms - 'splendid, awesome
with a muscular fluted trunk'

Others are less impressed
with this 200-year-old guest

'good tree'
'adequate tree'
'I mean its a tree innit'

    'Just the tree
    near the park
    and near the road'

A tortoise named Winston Churchshell

music to vibe out to
modo fac tincan folklore
quirly-candy-toy sound
Electric Chariot section
smoking the green stuff

there are people who will read the Bible
pure kosmische musik energy
this is what an apple tastes like?
I may have a problem

a small journey to just getting baked
and drawing stuff trippin' like a butterfly
every place that you can imagine
oh my nihilism - is this canon?
like some lost artifact or memory

music to groove to, almost like a great book
for the first time and walk away
at 10:27 I start to ascend
difficult to listen to where this feels broken
First Dance Wedding Tune 

I'm believing every word, music to get lost in
honestly the best song
whale speaks of all time not even kidding
kicking ass all choppy and shit
in these fast times that we live in

I guess if you were a weed head in the 90s
and grew up with divorced parents
and had no culture or responsibility
and your head was lost in a cloud of pot smoke
this song met your low expectations

Nothing saddest me more as a fan of my big stompys

The unfortunate reality
of truly giant robots
is that nearly every material you can imagine
behaves like jelly
at large enough scales

Not if they made with unjellyfunium

Even buildings? Yes mass
dampeners exist specifically
to counter-jiggle because they wobble in the wind

The square-cube law
is one of the real Buzz Killingtons of physics

Discovered this ages 10 
building truss bridges
out of tape and drinking straws

This is why the truly giant ones
are made from psychic energy

My cat walked across one of my bridges
and I was like holy crap plastic straws
seem stronger than steel for their size

It will be different when we discover
the super space alloy and power it
with the super space energy rays
that will make everything work like I dream

The unfortunate reality
of truly giant robots
is that nearly every material you can imagine
behaves like jelly
at large enough scales

You don't make the giant mega ship,
you make many small ships

That's what my brain says anyways,
but my heart says giant robots are cool

This is why the Magazord uses
five smaller robots to mitigate this effect

Like if you think about it,
planets behave like liquid
over a billion years

This is why we need either
Gundanium alloy OR the Dead Sea Scrolls

I once prefabbed a straight run of 120’ of 4” steel pipe
for a welder. Took 10 guys to get it in the trench.
It bowed like a piece of spaghetti

It's fine just replace the bushings
in the leg joints every 1.4 miles

Time for peanut butter robot

The unfortunate reality
of truly giant robots
is that nearly every material you can imagine
behaves like jelly
at large enough scales

That's why the ultimate giant robot is made
from the energy of Man's indomitable will to live

Failure in your relativistic dynamic compression
members propagates at almost the same speed you can warn of it

But you can build some robots
of unusual size using
monocrystalline diamond

We just need to keep the robots
at human size and shrink all the people

Then why don't mountains flop like an jelly


https://x.com/ashlee3dee/status/2068346914081259783

Corned Beefs

I will sneer at you if you say these things:

To be pacific
For all intensive purposes
Doggy-dog world
Mute point
On tender hooks
Pass mustard
Cold slaw
Damp squid
Old-timer's disease
Off the beat and track
Take it for granite
Takes two to tangle
Chester draws
Wheelbarrel
Dull as dishwater
Old wise tale
Expresso
Escape goat
In one fowl swoop

And I will sneer at you if you write these things:

Baited breath
Bare witness
Tow the line
Illicit a response

But I will congratulate you if you say these thing:

Skellington

My authentic self

I just tell it like it is
I will say boo to a goose
I'll upset the applecart
I call it refreshing honesty
others say I'm a toxic tart

Like, like if you don't like
my opinion I have others
I'm very much what-you-see-is-what-you-get

My other half gets me
I'm lacking in tact and
deficient in guile while
he's the honey, I am the marmite

We go together like sugar and spite
like rama lama fa fa fa so
I'm far too salty, he's far too nice
but playing nice never won the prize

I paid the cost to be the boss
I know they whisper I'm a jerk
but somebody's got to pull the strings
so pretty please
let's get to fucking work

Father's Day Walk, Wapping Ornamental Canal System

- Look it's the loneliest heron
  add it to your app.

She means Merlin, meanwhile

Oi kids! Look up!
    What.
Put your phones down now and look up.
    Where daddy?
In the flaming tree, look, before-
    What's up there daddy?
It's a heron.
    What's that?
A BIRD! Big bird.

- Did you get it?
- Yes I got it. Let's move on.