Performance (1979)

The three of us
(you should name them it makes it more relatable)
Toby, Lawrence and Piers
were languishing in our sixth form study
one lunchtime when we chanced upon a volume
of classic comic poesy et cetera
Golden Nonsense, or somesuch bakery

Our daily shenanigans were miniature
apart from certain
regrettable affairs carry on

Toby began to recite: "They went to sea in a
sieve, they did"

- It's siv not seev you div
heckling already, but he would not be deterred

We were the finest by the way, or
among or amongst them at least

He ascended the desk like that fellow
in that film I pretend to forget
and continued with aplomb:
  - In a great siv they went to sea, that sort of rot

You know what, he compelled us, as he continued and
we stood around quite enraptured as the fever grew
into the chorus - Far and few, far and few

Shout it bang it scream it
we were triple entranced
we were on that voyage with the jumblies
those guys sure had some wicked times

We're taking it up - Far and few
now we're bringing it down
- Heads green hands blue
we begin to pace about
a curious fury on our tiny plates

Toby, Lawrence and Piers
        take to chanting FAR AND FEW
        took to stomping FAR AND FEW

Until it was in it sway in-
dis-tin
-guishable
from say Hurry up Harry

       Far and few, far and few
       Come on, come on!

We circled squawking and
stomping in a post glam rock fever
banging on lockers, hurling books
through windows that sort of thing

It was the temperature of the times
it was a call to furious reaction, we were
a King Lear power trio ranting as

The door flies open and Doc Crocker
bursts in, cape a-flingo
his alleged wig askew 'WHAT! 
                       IS THE MEANING OF
                      THIS INFERNAL RACKET!'

Dreamy Kind of Love

You must have heard or
maybe you've met people named
Carter Weaver Potter
after the old trades

Glover Roper Miller
you get the picture
and Smith of course Smith

Mr Butcher
Mr Baker
Mr Candlestickmaker
that sort of thing
but one person
you never meet is Mr Dreamer

But oh my love is this not a noble calling
I propose we change
the deeds and declare ourselves
Mr and Mrs Dreamer

Our children will be called
Lucidus, Delulu and Precog

We'll walk around with our
heads in the clouds, the envy
of every hard-working citizen

Carpet Crawler

No one knew how the tortoise crept into our room
was he some next door Charlie
Winston Churchshell well he managed to summit
the bay window to investigate the
Bin Bin rice crackers we stored there
just out of our television reach

Then thump the sturdy adventurer plummeted onto
the faded orange carpet and rolled under the sofa

Come out boy baby boy or girl we had
neglected to source provenance
of chelonian guest. - Wait
let me find my headtorch

My cohabitee was checking if the webcam
had captured the fall - A gift for TikTok
- A grift more like, I corrected and
instantly regretted as I lay or is it
lied on the threadbare carpet
waving a cracker at the dark mouth
of our collapsing two-person loveseat

My Middle Management Years

Spent Monday to Thursday doodling (some actually
rather geometrically pleasing concepts, archi-
tecturally innovative also) then
Corporate announced a team bonding
day out whoop had befallen us
and to middling muggins had befallen
the call to entertain the troops
my loyal, ungrateful, idle band of brothers (and sisters)

Perturbed, I tipped a full water cooler
onto carpet and pants alike for the
1000th time I AM NOT A LEADER OF MEN (or women)
the Jesus gene is dormant for a reason
I ignore the voices dismiss the calling, we
don't have time for this now

First we took to the cliffs for some trust and climbing
Farewell Shanelle, good luck down there Chuck
Then the cross country which wasn't for everyone
Mandy's knees did not merit an ambulance

Before kicking back for real
we popped in to the fitness centre for a
communal shower but a few of the gang wouldn't stop whining
I admit I cracked announced my departure - THAT'S IT i QUIT
followed by a collective shrug
and an unconvincing walk back
mumbling dehydration, electrolytes

Now the award winning archi-
tectural hydro multi complex meant
we had to take this teacup ride to the reception
scrinch up with you if we may

Had it been more of a calamity or
a debacle time to adjudicate later

Come on Tim lagging no sense of urgency also agency
Anna burdened with ankle loafs boldly
flailing hurled herself onto the saucer at least
we all felt the need to applaud light relief

Martin sticks to me like glue
with me the rat poison board
Planes, Trains and Saucermobile
I had a feeling we weren't through
but hey ho we're soon be on our way home
and isn't that a feeling 
               even if it's 5000 miles
               in the wrong direction and you don't know
               it's been burned to the growend and
               everyone you knew's been crucififed what
               d-d-o y-y-ou mean by that exactly

There's something they're no telling us
Tim and Anna and Martin and me
we'll have to look out for each other now

Call it Home

I could always show up and knock on the door
And I guess you'd call that home
Didn't have to call and say is it okay
Just take the tube - train - bus - walk
90 minutes from door to door the old ways
There'd be food and a bed no third degree
And I guess yes you'd call that home

Time plays its tricks and moves forward fast
Important figures come and go but mostly go
Could always show and knock on the yellow door
Course I had a key but I didn't want to alarm

Minor breakdowns tense situations find your way
Cross town north to south till home again
The belly of the beast was still a warm belly
Eventually strange lands begin to feel familiar
Every inch of every room every brick and pillow
The lights were always on with a timeless hello

I guess despite and in spite of it all it was always
A place called home more than this wretched hole
I've kipped down collapsed for a 30 stretch
Nowhere to escape to now when days get dark

Legalese

Drink the water, try not to be
2 clever be not smartass
be not snooty. I'm not sure that's
the correct - Enough!

Should come easy, for you
What do you think, I'm  -

Remember that special street corner (we all have)
remember the first time (come on), and the
50 years of your so-called life. Remember
you're a fool beyond foolishness but listen -

No what now must I list
must I listen to MY CRIMES

Colonised

Don't be so hard on yourself the
Colorblind James Experience said that
you think you'd learn from your mistakes
like Eleanor Friedberger said

Of course you have to make it
easy on yourself, as the
Walker Brothers advised

All my [joke] philosophe comes from half-
digested song lyrics

We learned more from a you know
Bruce Springsteen said that

- Insert further examples here -

I'm a living sickness of ill-
advised wigdom, slapped on, super-
ficial but actually very vital
knowledge (of sorts) and

When they cut me open and found
the worms I was riddled, as with
those words of unreliable origin
in a cornucopia kinda way