Forever etched in chalk

He decided to hang up his darts
bin the arrows for good now
the line and length had gone down the dumper

Now the friendly pub banter had evolved into
mean-spirited barracking. They called
him an itchy twitcher, a wobble lobber, the
pant-wetting double dropper

Profanity had become
their lingua franca

Plus they crowded him. He could smell
the Monster Munch on their breath

'It's only the Weekend League Barry'

Also the fuzzy carpet triggered his
heart arrhythmia and tunnel vision

'It's only the Fox & Hounds Over 50s Baz'

Yes it was time to throw his arrows
down the well of amnesia

Also, being paid for a victory in ale
was an insult to a teetotaller

'You were so insulted you drank it anyway'

The Fish Question

I am a fish, and I am swimming
under a boat and I see a tasty
looking worm hanging from a hook,
should I eat it?

Swim away immediately!
That 'tasty' worm is trap called bait on spike.
You know spike? Ouch sharp metal demon
set by human, you know human right?
Your dad called them 'land monkeys'

If you nibble, a sharp metal hook
will pierce your pretty mouth,
and you risk being yanked out of the water
into a dry, oxygen-less environment. How will
you like that, hint not much Nemo. Snagged.
Glug glob choke. Become someone dinner.

Listen to your fishy instincts. Look
for shadows above, a ghostly wriggle.
Even if human is intend to let you go,
the trauma, scale loss, and injury from hook
can result in perfect lousy day
and make you easy prey
for bigger potatoes to fry.

Keep swimming fishfolks. Look for
real foraging grounds near structure and weeds.
Be smart, live long and shapeshift away.

Take the 3 minute quiz

You're not lazy - your brain is experiencing
functional freeze. I am lazy. And frozen.
You know everything you need to do
I do not know everything I need to do
but you cannot physically start. This
much is true. Starting a new routine every two
weeks I can start sometimes I can't stop
getting obsessed with a system but abandoning it
overnight. Wait what system. If you're struggling.
Yes I am struggling.
All human life is struggling.

You're not broken. Yes I am.
You're just stuck.
You're not broken. No I'm not.
You're just stuck. You're say you're not broken.
But what if I am. What if. You're just stuck.
You're not broken. No you're not.
What if. You just suck.

The most famous non-famous person in London

We all used to see him parading
along Oxford Street. The
full-time human billboard "Protein Man"
who campaigned for the suppression of desire
who wished to dampen the libido by
the adoption of low-protein diet

He had porridge for breakfast
he advised against SITTING
ate steamed vegetables and pulses
prepared on a Bunsen burner
munched through a pound of apples a day

Stanley Green, known for
dietary-reform activism
Stanley Green, pamphleteer
and pedestrian

Prised for my Device

Can I help - hey!

She gripped my hand fiercely but I clung on to my phone.

No! No! I won't let you. She attempted to prise it from my grasp.

She didn't speak but grappled with determination as I writhed and dipped.
I hoped she didn't have a weapon such as a cosh or a metal comb.

It's only worth a fiver. That was my catchphrase.

Then give! She hissed, continuing to prise.

To my dismay I was taken up by her leather jacket
and bleached blonde hair, although her face
was brittle and shiny as a lemon moon.

I turned my back to her but she wrapped her
rabbit arm around my neck, and I inhaled the leather.

Still I wouldn't submit.

You're. Not. Getting it. 

(It had all my bird photos on it.
Over 200 different species.)

Stop wriggling.

I was an accomplished wriggler. Had been all my life.

I lifted the phone high. Look the screen's cracked, it's years out of date.

A new tactic. She kneed me vigorously in the quadriceps.
It had been 40 years since victim of dead leg.

She was still prising. My eyes watered a little, I will admit.
But now it was time to activate frenzy mode. The haystack,
the tornado. It was going to get messy.

You. Will. Not. Take. Me.

The Engine

The instant she started tearing
gleefully at the wrapping
paper I knew I had made
a terrible mistake but it was too late now.

- I'm so sorry.
- What is this?

It was a big red model train.

- It's a big red model train. Can we pretend this never happened.
- Why would you give this to me on our anniversary?

She trembled with the insult, the assault.

- I don't know what I was thinking, I'm so ashamed.
- If you want to play with trains that's up to you.
- I think I may have to kill myself.
- Don't be flippant.
- I'm being completely serious.

(We would both be better off if I was dead.)

The big red train sat on the carpet.
It was bigger and redder than I remembered.
Twice as big. Twice as red.
And I didn't want to play with it.

"Ordinary people live thirty years back in a state of motivated somnambulism." - Marshall McLuhan

Metal Machine Music: The Anatomy of the Infinite Loop

1. A Glowing High-Frequency Sky

2. Overlapping Overtone "Ladders"

3. Acoustic Tremor and Phase Canyons

4. The High-Frequency Shift