So many times I tried
to get through to you
trampoline friends are not real friends
you can't rely on them
you will not survive the
tough times with them. Now
How can you expect me
to go with you to their
bouncing jamboree, or the
thanksgiving tumbling party
I don't roll like that
I won't somersault for you
And I'll say it again your
trampoline friends are not real friends
We were just normal men
goofing off in the office
in our private lives
in our personal times
Gavin and let's call him Lee
mid-level digital warriors
for the camera sported
oversized red bucket hats
just a couple of gorms
covered by cheap millinery
we sent the cropped
screenshot to the group chat
using the anon option
asking have you seen these
suspicious bucketheads
all in our off duty lives
all in the lunchbreak times
we asked the Q and came back
the A that one's Lee! yes
that's definitely him, we
recognise that old turkeyneck
don't need to see - in fact
would rather not see - his
maroon prune fizz
obscured by bucket don't
forget zoom at five
If I was a dad
I'd have the Best Dad Ever written on my
big golden daddy of a mug
and glug my tea out of it
make it extra sweet, just like me
If I was a dad
I'd be the best dad those kids ever had
make my own five-a-side team
we'll go boy boy girl girl boy
then I think we'd better stop there
If I was a dad
I'd bring home the bacon,
I'd win the bread
but you can't drive my car,
you won't get in my head
If I was a dad
I'd be the kind of dad that gave the other dads
a good run for their money
keep them on their toes
put them in their place
to be fair. I'd be a very fair dad
up to a point and you'll never
be sure where that point begins
or ends
If I was a dad
you could be my wife and you'd love
every minute of our life, I swear
I'd treat you like a princess
unless you disappointed me in any number of ways
and then you'd see
a very different side of me
If I was a dad
I'd enjoy a laugh as much as the next man
but if you mistake that for weakness
you'll discover I'm not
the forget and forgiving kind
I'll be very firm but very fair
justice must be seen to be done
no one comes at the daddy
If I was a dad
I'd be all for equal rights but
at the same time
I will wear the trousers
and I will wear the pants
it's not so complicado
this daddy's numero uno
You're fired
-SLAM!-
Help her?
- Thank you!
- I am completely drenched
a Towel b Comb c Sponge
- I'm feeling better.
- I still feel very cold.
a Match b Clothes c Hot Water
Interesting...
- I want to drink something hot.
a Hot Tea b Ice Drink c Hot Milk
- Are you serious?
- You don't really want to help me.
Interested ✓ Not interested? x
Install
Wouldn't you submit to the lioness
prowling in her pearl dress
present yourself seasoned and
diced for her delectation if
she only possessed the
unfurled
inclination
of the unreasonable
Admiration for Linguistic Stillness
Suspicion of Performative Gestures
minor cessation (;)
Bring forth the Chronometer of Gaps
Discard the Chronometric Spectroscope
emphatic hush (_)
Unshackle your Percussive Oscillator
Consult the Gazetteer of Gaps
Do not commit Chthonic Signage heresy
The Petrified Whisper is a lie
perceptual void (∅)
Begone ye geosymbolists, retire
to your Obsidian Depths
calibrated lapse (◬)
I got a sebaceous cyst
a lump as big as your fist
got so much sebum it makes me sick
dome-shaped bump, and really thick
I require medical attention
cause my life's in suspension
my oil-producing gland
is really getting out of hand
Sebaceous
it stops me being flirtatious
sebaceous
full of pus and capacious
Sebaceous cyst
I've never been kissed
sebaceous cyst
do you get the gist
sebaceous cyst
you won't be missed
sebaceous cyst
you're not on my shopping list
It's a source of distress
a cause of some tenderness
it's an epidermoid issue
and I really won't miss you
when you're surgically excised
I'll feel more civilized
farewell keratin protein
no more skin like a baked bean
Sebaceous
oh how to stop it
sebaceous
you better not pop it
