Losing the will to live

They said he had idlers disease
but chronic fatigue and
fatal weakness
was as real as the atomic bomb

He was genuinely ill and exhausted
    radiation sickness
he was treated with cold disdain
    derogatory treatment

Suffering from
invisible effects since the flash
that changed the world

Profound psychological
and physical distress

He would writhe in unbearable
agony; an endless, vicious cycle

Destruction of your family, your
work, your city followed
by discrimination and
rejection from your
own people

Every hospital sent him away
classified him as a mental patient

    a hundred scars

Lung warfare

Take a picture now zoom in
on those delicate scarlet blommers
filling a corner of the post-
event reception

Impossible spores calculated to infect
and occupy my specific lymphatics

Foreign agents, reagents
somehow they knew my latent
susceptibility
to the trumpet particulate

I was a man on a mission
arousing suspicion
I really did complete
the marathon but now I would struggle
to finish my sentence

Ethical concerns

The crab he destroyed his packaging
yes
he tore through the plastic wrap
with his claws
YES
the crab is free

- Can he be our pet now?

- A crab is not a pet.

- But we can't cook him now.

- I suppose not.

- Not now he's exscaped.

- Escaped. But he - or she - 
    has earned its freedome.

Office Christmas Party, I Forget Which Year

To save money and because we were all so
Key worker busy shifting through the festive period

The grand project the big launch
We barely decorated the office and
Barely held some celebrations there

Dirty laundry in my cabinet
Stuffed below a stack of microwave snacks

I'd hardly ventured outside in weeks
No time to visit the parents, such a
Great excuse, working right up to the chimes
Sober as the days were long

Someone started vacuuming at five minutes past
Another kip on the camp bed beckoned

Some messages pinged on my phone
Old friends, your mum and dad, then
An unknown number reading:

hi lov e yuo bu t
we cantt b fr einds ny mor e
hapy new ye r
wi ll neve r forg t th ose time sx

And I won't get any older

The overpowering even through
the car window of the farmyards and
muck spreading in Hampshire fields
as a new song comes on the radio
about a man who used to be disgusted

I'd recently become obsessed with
every new song and all the old songs
a thrilling addiction that
lit up my developing brain along
side the horrifying surges of puberty
with much sprouting and eruptions
        I tried to be amused

But how long can you hold your breath and
pretend none of this is happening
the horrors of school briefly paused
now the immersion in family conflict
can be resumed, and how long

Will this stench continue, it's
right in the back seat with me and
my oblivious sister
in the days before seatbelts
on the way to grandma's
for the summer holidays it's
as if the filth will cling to me forever

Same as the man on the radio with
the unlikely name who's done some kind of
deal with he devil even if he talks
        of angels

Every minute more

Only deepens the humiliation
just know this
when a person
tries to fight back
against severe degradation
using aggression
or retaliation
it often fails
to restore power
and instead only deepens
the humiliation the
severe degradation

locking the victim
further into
a painful cycle
of powerlessness
and conflict
to preserve the memory
to bear witness
to take revenge
severe degradation

Just know this
Jesus said that everyone
who exalts himself
will be humbled, and
he who humbles himself
will be exalted
to take revenge
and seek justice
or ultimately
to forgive
severe degradation

She learned to express

Untitled
woman of braided steel
raised by parents
recurring themes
drawings of fading memories
who ran who helped

one of the great figures
iconic
drypoint and etching
Do You Love Me?
rendition of the encased couple
etching in red
I Love You
that was our punishment
a deep focus tapestry
iconic

Do You Love Me?
explore materiality
twinrocker paper support
a gifted student
a gift of love
in the workshop
I wanted to love
on wove paper
restoration business
estimate USD 60,000
explore gender norms
transform love
freighted with meaning
initialled in pencil
into hate iconic
raised by parents
to love you more

the depths of
how can I be you
tenderness and trauma
red boot-like figures
I Wanted to Love You More
her own psychology
emptied of it
renowned literary translator
the words "we love you"
iconic
rising from water in a circle
to her friend
removed under data protection
raised by parents
free delivery over £1,000

her friend and assistant
raised by parents
I wanted to love
untitled
she also helped out
explains the childhood
to lo ev yo u mo r e