Sunday, 31 May 2026

I spotted him

Walking down Wardour Street one grey morning
on such a gloomy mundane day
        hay hay, hay hay, hay hay
        hee hee, hee hee, hee hee

On my way to work, I was late or
early no one cared not now or then
and when: nineteen ninety six

A figure walked, a denim jacketed fig
raw and majestic famed and aflame
of face set up against the cloud

He stopped
turned around
seemed confused
      it's him, it's definitely him he looks lost
      of course he does but now he's
      strutting languidly
      towards Oxford Street

Some call him Moz, I would not
  dare be so familiar certainly
    not speak to him, or even
      listen to him these days

I hope that's the correct response

Posh Isolation

You guys would be surprised at how many
people just sit in their house.
    That's it. That's their life.

These people just sit in their houses all day. They
    don't go outside, just stay in their house.

Such a preference can be a valid lifestyle
    choice rather than a lack of ambition.

Drawbacks such as reduced sunlight
    can impact sleep cycles and physical well-being.

        But people are annoying.

Honestly, I just find people exhausting
    even when they are perfectly nice and cordial
    all that having to fake nicey-nicey.

    Some people
    can stay inside
    their house
    for a whole week
    without going anywhere,
    and it doesn't
    bother them at all.

I've worked very hard to build a
comfortable life in a comfortable home.

        Also, people are annoying.

My house is where all my things are
    and I like my things.

I'm an introvert and all my hobbies
    can be done from the comfort of my room.

People are persistent irritants
    personal space invaders and
    social allergens.

        And I don't have to put pants on.

Don't discount optimal arousal theory
    I'm happy peaking in the moderate zone
    if that's all right with you.

Why go on a cruise or go to a theme park?
    You can just stay at home
    and watch videos on YouTube.

        Plus, people are annoying.

It's completely fine to limit your exposure
    protect your boundaries
     have a five-minute vent
     check your tank and
    focus on the core circle.

         It's too cold outside
         and I have massive social anxiety.

Saturday, 30 May 2026

On my way, I'm on my way

I'm late and head into an unknown shop

Been in the business the drinking
business for 40 years now and still don't
know what or which wine to buy, but in a
spirit of light-heartedness have lately taken
to purchasing bottles based on
amusing labels or names

Thus select a Merlot
featuring an illustration of
the Secretary Bird
which tickles the proprietor

    Ah this Secretary Bird is
    a vicious bastard sir you know
    it kills the snake, it rips
    and kicks and stomps
    you never want to meet one
    an absolute devil!

    Eight pound ninety nine.


Secretary Bird


Black Mold

{whispers} in poorly 
           ventilated
           environments

I got black mold
Got it all day long

Breathe in those mycotoxins
With mild to moderate symptoms

I got black mold
Got it all night long

Slimy, dark green, black patch
Red eye, skin rash, headache

I got black mold
And I'm never gonna lose it

You should hire a professional remediator
Condensation, leaks, and rising damp

{subliminal} Stachybotrys chartarum

I got black mold
Any old way you choose it

I'm coughing and sneezing
Got the asthma and the wheezing

Cos I'm full of black mold
Yes I'm loving that mold

Tuesday, 26 May 2026

Music is magical but

It is NOT okay to constantly disassociate
and listen to music all day.
    Extreme programming. I swear this
    is one of the worst habits our newer gens have

    I used to do it a lot growing up because
    I wanted badly to escape everything

As I grew up I came to appreciate the quietness
  with the background sound of the world
    because I just learned to be ok with
      being present in my body
        & not in some dreamland that's
          conjured up by a song

100 percent agree. Our ears are
one of the ways our bodies naturally absorb
the ambient energy
in the world. Constantly plugging your ears
is cutting your connection to the world

    Just slop munching the whole time lol

Music, like drugs, needs to be respected.
Overdoing it is disrespectful
to both oneself and the music

Due to a fear disorder
that I developed I have been listening to
music nonstop since 2020.

There has not been a silent moment for me ever since
but for the first time in ever it might have gotten
1% better I'm able to handle near silence
for a few seconds sometimes

        I adore music

Saturday, 23 May 2026

The Last Big Night Out

Low on wardrobe I sported
running shorts and
a maroon cardigan borrowed
from Izzy the physiotherapist

Weak of belly I swerved the barbecue
but felt compelled to accept a
boogie with the
resident ladyboy(s) as the
band played international hits. Shots followed
rapido the girls became hazy jigsaws

Andy from Leeds drones on about The Beach
and wasabi peas as I observe: 
    The band are hairy hobbits
    who look like they'd rather be playing
    thrash metal
and as the club empties out
they launch into a furious medley of Sabbath riffs

Ha ha see! I exclaim to
nobody as my tempo companions
have retreated to the huts

Time passes, wardrobes malfunction
and a bottle of Mekhong is
being passed around by the pool

Izzy and Sal suggested skinny
dipping and sipping - will
the adventure never end

Lack of Traction

Six stars and stripes, two golf balls
(96 bags of human urine, feces, and vomit)
and now they put a steam train on the moon

I ask who the pilot and where the water
what coalmine and Atmosphäre even

In the past now gratefully
was tiger in my conservatory
was bee house in my speedboat

Now lean in, as I lean in
and ask about the steam
train on the moon

Can see though telescope?
Mr Johnson and his lunar deck
much still to unpack

Thursday, 21 May 2026

Diamond, Sylvia and Hilary too

It looks like somebody searched for your phone number
Carlee has searched for you
The unlock key is 1494

It looks like someone has searched for your birth name
Marlene has searched for you
Your unlock code is 5289

It appears somebody searched for you by pictogram
Aisha searched for you Lee
The passcode is 6397

It appears somebody has searched for you by spectrography
Mercedes searched for you Lee yes just for you
Your personal unlock code is 1065

Saturday, 16 May 2026

In a state of motivated somnambulism

Elliptical phone calls
semantic evacuation
a deviant under the bridge
radical abundance

They're coming for you
if only they could be bothered

Oops, something went wrong

Don Filey attacked me! Through
the window pincers first, bite
me it won't even leave a mark

I was listening to dungeon synth
I was so toned and harvest

Arrests #1-50
stalking therapy
the red bullied foot
lasagne push face

Oops, something went wrong

Of ticker dodge
of knee knack
of gut busted

Wear your rubber ring
down Upper Street, bounce into
the C19th vulcanized
street haunter scene

Comic routine = disloyalty
from Albania to Suburbia
rescued from dental floss
oy mister my hair plugs

Don Filey attacked me! In the bath
with my knives even, my watery
ghost couldn't save me

Oops, something went wrong

The sebaceous cyst
the blizzard of humdrum
call up the versificator
the namedropping shame

Peppermint t-movie
a pure revenge tribute
exhaustion, retribution
100 eyes for an eye

Oops, something went wrong

Why
don't
you
tell
me
any
thing

Thursday, 14 May 2026

Hash cigarette + glue stick

I was collating my top 1000 towers
in a bespoke scrapbook
in preparation for the Grand Reading
when my associate alerted me to
a recently discovered and
hitherto unknown video of
a Dylan performance from 65

He sat at a piano shades on besuited
rocking back and forth hammering
the keys and singing
    "Hash cigarette
    gonna buy me a hash cigarette
    gonna find me a hash cigarette
    better belieeeve it, gonna
    smoke me a hash cigarette"

No wonder this was never released even
on one of them bootleg series, my associate sneered
        as I started to hum along
        and beckoned for the glue stick

Going going gone gone

In the bars and on the beaches
they don't talk about
defrocked teachers or
defragged preachers

While down in the Poconos
no one talks any more
of bimbos, himbos and hoboes
oh where did they all go go

So down in the ground
and lost to the earth
few will lament
so so little of worth

The Holloway Axiom

01  [Axiom]  Under the heavy beam of the eye, the thing bends.

02  [Axiom]  Prolonged scrutiny creates a shivering in the marrow.

03  [Axiom]  A foundational concept within Ephemeral Studies.

04  To look closely is to force a spontaneous reorganization.

05  Eli Holloway (1897) tracks the migratory pattern of quavering moths.

06  He watches the sudden fog turn into something else entirely.

07  Monograph: "The Unsettled State: Observations on Ontological Flicker."

08  The target phenomenon feels the weight of the glass lens.

09  The target phenomenon accelerates its own decay to escape.

10  Whether through direct sensory input or sophisticated measuring devices.

11  The more you pin down the moment, the more it wriggles free.

12  Active resistance dressed up as passive melting.

13  The observed simply *will not* be observed in peace.

14  Consider the lunar periwinkle, blooming in the dark.

15  Bring the chronometric spectrometer near, and it wilts early.

16  Consider the pocket dimensions in the Upper Peloponnesian attic.

17  They collapse into dust upon the activation of the recording apparatus.

18  The Holloway Institute calls this "observational implosion."

19  To see a thing clearly, you must look away from it.

20  Researchers employ empathetic mirroring - sensing rather than seeing.

21  Auto-epistemology: knowing only when you forget you are knowing.

22  The practical difficulty is retaining the ephemerality.

23  Once verified, it is merely catalogued.

24  A shadow of its former capricious self.

25  Dr. Wilhelmina Crangle (1912) watches the shadows harden into facts.

26  Prof. Arnold Fickle blames the inadequate instrumentation.

27  He claims it is observer bias, not a flaw in reality.

28  But Dr. Penelope Shimmer watches the baseline shake.

29  The fluid nature of existence demands a shifting metric.

30  The eye is a hammer; the world is a pane of glass.

31  [Axiom]  The fluid nature of existence rejects the anchor.

32  Halupedia studies require a methodology built on smoke.

33  The apparatus itself functions as an accidental weapon.

34  To name the transient state is to sign its death warrant.

35  The consistent, albeit frustrating, applicability of the law.

36  Reality refuses to pose for its photograph.

37  Pre-recorded sensory probes capture only the cold exit wound.

38  The core principle remains a beautifully broken compass.

39  We stand in the attic, holding breath to save the dimension.

40  [Axiom]  The universe blinks back only when we close our eyes.


Source: Halupedia

Thursday, 7 May 2026

Daddy does spaghetti face

Daddy does spaghetti face
it's that time again when daddy
starts making his spaghetti face and
we all know what that means

- Who's excited for Daddy's special spaghetti sauce?!

The answer is we are louder WE ARE
yes we really are so excited
oh daddy don't make that disappointed face
we do so want your spaghetti cooked to
perfection in the special salted water
at the precise temperature in the special pot
with a knob of butter salted and another secret
sprinkle we're not permitted to witness

Dear daddy with your special sauce that only you know
how to make and everyone agrees is the best
the richest the tastiest daddy sauce
no we're not making a face we look forward
to this day once a year when mummy
goes away for a little rest

Graffiti i, ii

Sharpied on the bus shelter

"I'm marrying her!

Colin ❤️❤️ LeeLee!"


Sharpied on a temporary hoarding

"MrZed + Pindee 👑

Making Sweet Music!!!"

Atlas Obscura recommends it

The four-star hotel
was called Martial Cats

And we arrived just in time
to see the parade

Ten to 12 serious cats
marched around the reception
with their miniature
instruments, tooting
and parping a filthy but charming
form of feline jazz 

Tuesday, 5 May 2026

It's a beautiful, chaotic life

Merlin the sassy pig
helped me meet my husband

I had a pig obsession
one day I'd have a pig

Merlin my mini
Vietnamese pot-bellied pig
in our home in Sacramento, California

I started training him
to spin, shake and high-five

His favourite foods are fruits
– apples, watermelons and bananas

Merlin has taught me so much

He likes to wear a propeller cap

He has millions of fans
across the world