Barbecues I never had

If I was a dad
I'd have the Best Dad Ever written on my
big golden daddy of a mug
and glug my tea out of it
make it extra sweet, just like me

If I was a dad
I'd be the best dad those kids ever had
make my own five-a-side team
we'll go boy boy girl girl boy
then I think we'd better stop there

If I was a dad
I'd bring home the bacon,
I'd win the bread
but you can't drive my car,
you won't get in my head

If I was a dad
I'd be the kind of dad that gave the other dads
a good run for their money
keep them on their toes
put them in their place
to be fair. I'd be a very fair dad
up to a point and you'll never
be sure where that point begins
or ends

If I was a dad
you could be my wife and you'd love
every minute of our life, I swear
I'd treat you like a princess
unless you disappointed me in any number of ways
and then you'd see
a very different side of me

If I was a dad
I'd enjoy a laugh as much as the next man
but if you mistake that for weakness
you'll discover I'm not
the forget and forgiving kind

I'll be very firm but very fair
justice must be seen to be done
no one comes at the daddy

If I was a dad
I'd be all for equal rights but
at the same time
I will wear the trousers
and I will wear the pants
it's not so complicado
this daddy's numero uno