Century of the Self

Another bleary morning on my so-called retreat

pull on joggers and the t-shirt I slept in

stumble down to grab some breakfast shower later

- Hello Lee!

- Oh, it's you (quick, think) Tameka

- What are you doing here you look

- I know, I was in a hurry. What are, oh

The old team - Elaine, Nick, Professor Peach,

Gorden with an E, the new girl - 

were seated at the largest table

come on over and we'll grab a seat for you

my protests are drowned, Look who we've found

have you come back to join us?

Explanations dispensed with,

they pepper me with questions

I try to bat them off, apologise for

not looking my best, keep touching my hair

greyer thinner since the last time

we'd all shared a space

They pretend to envy my 'carefree' lifestyle as

I mumble about my projects which had

brought me to the same hotel

where they were having a team away day. Elaine

rolling her eyes at me, my office pal

why hadn't we kept in touch?

Others turn up clutching plates

gawping and gasping It's Lee, Lee!

Damon, Aoife, Big Tom, Little Tom (they both hated that), 

Mother Hubbard (she had no idea) and then

they rapidly dispersed, Elaine rubbing my shoulder

'Those whiteboards full of action points

won't fill themselves'

I head out later, showered and more presentable

determined to make the most of my day

let the hours pass by

in idle pursuits, my head ablaze

with breakfast shame

It won't do to return to the hotel too early, 

I can't allow myself to be roped in

to any team building revelry

although I'd love to know the gossip

Those days are gone

this is my fresh start

my freedom years

I must forge my own path or

die in someone else's ditch

It's late now and time to head back

maybe sneak in through the car park

check directions on my phone

and see it's an hour's walk or

a short bus ride

So I wait at the bus stop

it's dark now and cold

as I check my phone again

waiting at the bus stop