Fast forward 10 years and me and Staggers are sharing a bed not like that
like Laurel and Hardy, Morecambe and Wise
but without anything remotely funny happening his words not mine
a mistake on the hotel's part it may be fixed tomorrow
just like the Olden Days I offer
finding the mise en scène funnier than him
As desperate renters back in the day I used to choose the floor
but not any more, not with this back etc
Last week he needed to get his photo taken for the new Bloc-iD card
and shows me the result
Look it's so bright you can see the outline of my contact lenses
they make me look like a right gimp
He's sensitive about this area on account of the lazy eye corrected by surgery
which we have to pronounce sugary, you wouldn't get it, in 1991
So he wants the photo retaken and to hell with the cost for the new Bloc-iD
we were both in a rush after the double decoupling resulting in our recoupling
but not like that and nothing wrong with that
I don't have to explain to you people about
Laurel and Hardy, Morecambe and Wise and
I'm not sure who's the straight man here
I have no vanity about my frankly alarming iD photo
Do you think we might go down to the beach together, he asks
Come on buddy it's 2034, no one cares about this anymore
All right but first could you please help me with something
embarrassing, my contact lenses are stuck
and I can't slide them out with my [ageing shaky] fingers
do you have any tools?
Well I have my tweezers of course but they're very harpy sorry sharp
I forgive my words sometimes
I am among my ages
Sure, give them to me
I'll do this in the bathroom you don't want to watch
and then we'll go the beach and I can get a new photo taken
And we can be the gay old bachelors again
just like in our golden college days, yes?
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