The Man Who Looked 32

I guess the jig was up and that word in itself is a tell, my boy
when I suddenly arose from my torpor and
started flailing about to Personality Crisis
only played as a tribute to David Johansen who'd just died
and otherwise out of place at the indie
excuse me ethereal disco focused on the forgettable ersatz
and generally lame (my words) so-called alternative non-hits of today

Today being let's be clear 2025 when David Johansen died, I mean look it up
I was singing all the words, giving myself a mild hernia
really testing the old titanium kneecaps ha ha
what with me being secretly 75 just like the erstwhile frontman
of the NY which stands for New York Dolls

And yet I have been so well preserved and fortunate of let's say DNA
that I was able to claim an age of 32 on the apps, the apps,
we're all on the apps, you're all on the apps aren't you, aren't you on the apps,
of course you are (on the apps), we all are

And no one has ever questioned this age of 32
because of my youthful physique slash visage
and don't you dare say Dorian Gray
I'm what is known as neonate some say whelp, a disrespectful term
but employed here in the interests of full disclosure
i.e. one who has been involved in their Requiem for less than 50 years
beyond the fledgling stage, subject to an Elder don't get me started

Move on: my date (from the apps remember them) was alarmed at my sudden invigoration
as if my blood had been EPO'd (if only you knew)
as if my very essence had been suddenly electrified
as indeed it was, by the spectre of ye olde pre-punk
thus the flailing about on the dancefloor like a 'man' possessed

Yon, my date found this display by turns alarming and appealing
the suggestive energy, the spastic yet innovative shapes I pulled
then the aged DJ got carried away and segued straight into
the original 1973 Mercury Records double A-side Trash
which was a step too far for my veteran tendons, and I crumbled, crumpled
into the dust trying to maintain the tempo but
I just couldn't keep the pace and visably aged
at an alarming and ultimately ruinous rate
32-33-34-35- but never over 40, NEVER