Fox vs Crow incident

The fox assuredly mangy and sly
scavenging wretch #124
desperately because of what, wait
trying to find a way inside from the playground
all doors locked for the weekend
like that's stopped me before
searching for cheese or shoes, I'm not fussy
that's what you would say but actually
I'm seeking shelter, a peaceful place
to lay my noble frazzled snout

Because of what the attack from above
by skriking crow, hop skipping then dive-bombing
onto fox's neck causing flinch
by the goal post
maybe an air excitement call
perhaps the predator alarm cat caw
as crow circles, doesn't give crouching fox
a second's peace, it's
our ancestral pastime

And who do you see as the fox
and how do we call the crow
and I wish I could tell you
exactly where this took place

Firsts & Lasts (2004)

FIRSTS
First job: supermarket
First self purchased CD: Saint Etienne
First piercing/tattoo: nah, unadorned
First true love: Katie maybe (18)
First enemy: Mr H, English teacher

LASTS
Last big car ride: from here to work (it felt big)
Last kiss: mommy
Last library book checked out: some graphic novels, I don't know what I was thinking
Last movie seen: Cinema Zatoichi (samurai thing, not my genre); TV Best in Show, delightful
Last beverage drank: beer
Last food consumed: a chicken
Last phone call: friend of flatmate/housemate/lodger
CD played: Blue States 'Man Mountain', why isn't this better known// am i middle-aged?
Last annoyance: tube station closed due to defective lifts
Last pop drank: Lucozade
Last ice cream eaten: last year? no idea
Last time scolded: by flatmate/housemate/lodger re: washing up
Last shirt worn: the supersexy new stripy green one (XS, breathe in)

I....
I AM: ready to rumble
I WANT: you, here, right now
I HAVE: time on my hands
I WISH: we could all be friends
I HATE: myself and I want to live
I FEAR: growing older by the day
I HEAR: iTunes
I SEARCH: in the familiar places
I WONDER: when it will happen
I REGRET: not keeping in touch
I LOVE: nothing with all my heart & that aint no good
I ALWAYS: keep my promises
I AM NOT: half as clever as I used to think I be
I DANCE: if you ask me
I SING: alone and in tune
I CRY: briefly, in a controlled manner as a sentimental release, and then get it together
YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: no
YOU LIKE TO COOK: love it
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: yes thank you
DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: all worn out, need a new one
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah, as a joke
GET MOTION SICKNESS: no
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: doubt it
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: a fading blonde nonentity colour
EYE COLOR: hazel
BIRTHPLACE: a borderline convenient venue

FAVORITES
NUMBER: no
COLOR: no
DAY: Friday summer 8pm
MONTH: next month
SONG(S): Marquee Moon
SEASON: summer
DRINK: fancy cocktails
PREFERENCES
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: please
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: dont know
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: dont care
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: vanilla

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? no
HELPED SOMEONE? tried to help fainting woman; advised pal in romantic turmoil
BOUGHT SOMETHING? toothbrush to replace comically lost predecessor
GOTTEN SICK? no
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no
SAID 'i love you'?: i love you
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: no
TALKED TO AN EX?: no. just, no
MISSED AN EX?: no (no!)
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: spose
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: no
MISSED SOMEONE? a little
HUGGED SOMEONE? no
MADE A BOY/GIRL MOAN? no

Office incident w/ feet

I was working on preparations for FIFA World Cup 2026™
or Operation Camus23 as we're calling it
sitting in my corner surrounded by
a surprising mountain of physical media
considering the modern digital landscape when -

HELLO LEE!
It's my Dutch colleague Annaliese
LOOK AT MY FEET!
She plonks her high heeled plates on my chair
they're covered in plastic and plasters
I GOT PLANTAR FASCIITIS
- I'm sorry to hear
AND BUNIONS!

She looms over me all teeth, leg and loudness
like that doesn't send me crosseyed
tells me her wedding in Eindhoven is in danger
because of strikes and I'm like
sorry but where was my invite anyway

I begin to offer some grisly toe horror of my own
but there's only room for
one podiatric trauma

GONNA LOOK LIKE THE BIGGEST WEDDING CAKE
she means her dress and like,
I didn't even know she had a boyfriend
till last week, I'm missing out
on all the gossip
need to start vaping
or join Insta, whatever you people do when
SAY LEE WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO MY
BACHELORETTE PARTY TONITE

Beach train incident

It was the 24-car golden Maharaja
turquoise and gold / jet night blue
and steaming it ran along
the beach at midnight we were so lucky to see it
adorned in our plastic rain ponchos

And briefly our quarrel about the
two too tall choreographers
was forgotten as she
bravely puffed on
through the sand and surf

We were lifted out of ourselves
by the fireworks and the
glittering
locomotive
celebration

Indulgent, not Refulgent

I hated the round table team meetings,
especially when I was drafted in
to the big boys (and girls) gathering
to deliver our departmental headlines

One time it was my turn and I mumbled through two brief points
wrapped up my open mic session in five seconds flat job done

The chief editor looked perturbed slash amused
and uttered the brief judgement
                                                      'fulsome'

Which I have added to my list
of trigger words and phrases
we don't need to list them all here

Learning outcome: speak slowly and prepare
some detailed points of interest
don't rush or mumble and think you have
nothing of import to import

It is a chance to show colleagues
you are a valuable person with a different perspective
alternatively, quit your job

No privacy downstairs

So I went to look for an alternative chamber
saw 4 passports in a basket
her multiple identities

Finally
taking my ease
someone's knocking on the door
not gonna let em in

For one the
light switch key combo confusion
means I may never escape
this chamber myself

Spy a golden cushion embroidered
with ODON 'it's cool to like school' 1976
their breakthrough hit

She once asked me to DL their back catalogue
bcs 'you understand that world' and
bcs ODON were 'the band ABBA could have been'

Not the other ODONs we're talking
the original Swiss-Belgian pioneers of
disko barock

The knocking subsides and
the music is still
playing in my head

Peanuts Halloween Trolley

Bumper-controlled forward and reverse operation ◀️◀️

Delivering peanuts on the OO / HO scale 🥜 🚋

Peanut No.25 Dimboola passenger train 🚂

Back to Serviceton each day 🏙️

Lucy, Snoopy. Battery ... 🔋

Peanuts train 🚉

Snoopy mans the engine 🐶🚉

Dr. Lucy sets up shop 👩‍🔬🏪

Woodstock is a reindeer 🦌

Lucy is a pro at pogostick 🦘

Woodstock classic Christmas caboose 🎄

Sold out, rare, shop with confidence 🏪

It's a North Pole delight 🐻‍❄️

For anyone whose keyboard is broken

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Delete Forever

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Water Leak Repair Update
You're invited! An evening with Shanola Hampton

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This One's Called Dehydration

First thought best thought and I
just thought I'd let you know this life
has all been a dirty and bald-faced lie
a feeble excuse for an existence

What do you mean, I mean
it's been a ceaseless torrent of deception
a bucket and/or buckets of excrement
and a thousand deaths would not suffice
for the denial, and any protestations of innocence
will echo down the decades

This ghastly charade, this pathetic pretence
the disease of being born
I awake a prophet every day, and the
next step is always the best step

Here we are! Here we are again!

Feeling the warmth, feeling the cold
people come, some people go
and my mind is always wondering
how long you are going to stay

Among the sandals and tambourines
the firefly diamonds and
the sudden silence, the big vendetta
and the scene stealing corpse

Night falls, sleep comes, sand
bugs bite my ankles and I still
hope to see your sunburned face when
I open my bonfire encrusted eyes

'I have come to the end of my personality'

You've gone quiet again
a common refrain, complain
you were so much fun yesterday
where's that person gone?

Some times I talk it's not so
hard, some times yak yak too much, some
times not enough chat chat and they
will call you snooty, aloof 

Remember the time I hovered, Christmas eve
of course you don't the snow
was thick on the ground and
the following morning I was catatonic

A'll gie ye a tight 20 any day
efter which the outer lair run
oot ae steam, puff! cuz it's hard to
keep up wi bein me, whoever ye are

Market analysis

  Every month the figures fall

May 2025 (3)

  As you gradually fossilize

April 2025 (10)

  And become diminished

March 2025 (16)

  So the clearer it gets

February 2025 (19)

  The dimmer you seem

January 2025 (31)

  There's less of a glimmer

December 2024 (30)

  And more of a shame

November 2024 (35)

  A sham and a shame

October 2024 (36)

  And the eternal dwindling

A Catalogue Raisonné

It begins with
two old men yelling at each other
continues with
two old men talking about being poor

Two old men rapping - these #elderly 
    grandpas keep killing it
two old men sitting on a bench joke
    how we've chuckled with tears
two old men eating soup meaning
    bitterness, depression, and deafness

Two old men fishing just fishing
two old men dancing to bye bye bye
two old men go on a pilgrimage to worship God at Jerusalem

Two old men golfing just golfing, next up
two old guys note not men and they're getting in a Jeep®
    these are not my dreams
    I cannot be held responsible

Two old men may be in rocking chairs
two old men may be in wheelchairs
two old men hiking the Appalachian Trail
but two old mens skanking to Bad Manners is
    delightful and disgusting in the manner of
    two old mens everywhere, I'm afraid

Two elderly men leave judges speechless with their dance
yes, we've covered that, but
why has my husband turned into a grumpy old man

And we really need to see more of
two old men and their tools
probably delivering exceptional plank flooring installation
two old guys relaxing on a bench
sharing a joke and recalling the good old days
wholesome memes please

Two old men bump heads at the mausoleum (TOMB)
two grumpy old women, not now

Orphanesque

Coming from nowhere certainly
not the Matoran Universe or the
technologically and spiritually advanced planet Ygam

25% here, 25% there
centimorgans all over the shop

And having no fiercely held positions or
righteous identity policies like
you people with your
passionate intensities, I am reduced
to lower forms of communication such as
70s sarcasm
80s ambivalence
and 90s irony
all recently discredited

Plus a chaotic and unbecoming smattering of memes
an enormous & increasingly obscure
hoard of pop culture references

Thus it becomes increasingly difficult
to form the true connection
and I do want to
so want to commit

The most
colossal
criminal
forgery

Pit Mutagen (invisible, harmless)

Courtesy of the Matoran alphabet
I was briefly sucked into the Bionicle
       the Great Cataclysm
       the Brotherhood of Makuta
       the Great Spirit Robot
you know what I'm talking about

They lived (and loved) in the Bionicle universe
you can't say that, with yr pincers for fingers
yr fangs for hangs
sorry I've been raging on the flake
this golden draw is serious within you hear me

##hire an ass manager now##

Now the Hand didn't last very long
more to the point, also I don't give two
excuse me hoots for this lore, yes
I am generally short in stature, and
my brain is at least partially organic
with a need to recharge once a year,
needless to say I lack the biological
instinct to reproduce

Release the Kanohi Dragon
(I don't know what that means)

##make the sad girls your squad goals##

Massive individual caves
   rock pillows and seaweed three times a day
separated by gates with oceans 
    feel free to use my enchanted coracle
and islands of their own
    that's the last thing I need right now

But what if they offered you sanctuary on the island
of the Energized Protodermis Entity, what then?

And sometimes I wonder, and sometimes my fishtank
hums a disparaging, slimy message
which wisdom (wigdome) lendeth me -

GET OUT now GET OUT while you can
don't let the camouflage system win

##Purity! Creation! Peace! Faith!##